Knots-and-What-nots !

True anti-corruption comes from within.

2011-08-26T01:46:00.003+05:30

The Middle class - the large sector of India that is eternally trying to be upwardly mobile, who feel like Tantalus that a better standard of living is just lying out of their grasp and keeps trying to attain it; people who faithfully take out LIC policies and invest in retirement schemes. The Middle class who , again if the TOI is to be believed, has turned up in lakhs to support Anna Hazare. These are people who generally bear the brunt of having to interact with corrupt individuals on a daily basis - autowallahs who routinely demand 'meter mele 20', the bus conductor who hands out extra change instead of a ticket and says 'Sari hoytu bidi", the officials at several govt offices who demand a certain amount as though it was the official charge for something and then, calmly pocket it before getting your work done. More than 2G scams, CWG scams, mining scams etc; it is this corruption on a regular basis which affects and impedes the lives of these people intimately, daily.

When Shri Anna Hazare started his protests against corruption, the Middle class joined in with gusto, as this seemed to them to be the one way out of this evil that plagued them regularly. In the TOI, there were several reports and quotes by these people who claimed they had to pay bribes so often.

While this uprising of the Common Man is commendable, there is also something disagreeable about the self-righteous air with which people are condemning corruption. Several of these people, at some stage, would have tried to grease the palm of a traffic policeman and get away with parking in a no-parking area. They would have purchased / sold flats where half the amount would be in black. They would have paid for jewelery and saris in cash to avoid the sales tax that would have to be compulsorily levied upon them had they paid by card. They would have claimed that they are paying rent to their own parents, who live in the same house with them, in order to be able to claim HRA. They would have brought broadband schemes with free night downloads to enable access to pirated movies available online - and then, circulate them among friends as well. They would have searched for freely available illegal pdfs of books they want, rather than buy them off the shelves. Would all of this not classify as corruption - a desire to obtain something for which you do not pay the legal price, or to get something more than that which you are due?

Who is to decide the degree or the severity of the act and decide what is OK and what is not? In Kannada there is a saying - Adike kaddaroo kalla; aane kaddaroo kalla - which means you are a thief - whether you steal a beatel nut or an elephant.

When it comes to bribery, the slogan should be "Neither a giver nor a taker be". As a person who grew up in Bangalore, I can safely vouch for the fact that about upto about 15 years ago, the autowallahs would not start driving with the familiar "20 Rs extra madam, vapaas khaali barabeku". It is inherent human greed and desire to get more than what we normally do - thoda aur wish karo!! - but, this would become a well established practice only if majority of the passengers did actually cough up the extra amount on a regular basis. The autowallahs are not going to sit around all day if they do not find anybody paying them extra.

We, as a society, have encouraged corruption and participated in it for years on end.While the lokpal bill might hopefully reduce large magnitude scams; at smaller levels, true anti corruption should come from within. In a society where corruption exists in all walks of a life, it is difficult to get by without it but not impossible. One might have to wait longer to get an honest auto driver, make more trips to your unfriendly neighbourhood govt office, shell out more money for the movie cds and actually, pay the sales tax. Life might not be a bed of roses, but atleast then, you would truly be within your rights to call the politicians corrupt and point fingers at them.

To be or not to be...

2011-08-25T01:12:00.007+05:30

... pro Anna Hazare - no longer seems to a question for the majority of the people in the country , if the TOI is to be believed.

It is true that corruption has become so widespread in India that, at times, it seems impossible that it shall ever be routed out. It is appreciable that Anna, along with other eminent personalities such as Kiran Bedi and Arvind Kejriwal , is trying to curb this social evil.

The govt draft of the lokpal bill is truly one that instals a dummy ombudsman whose hands are tied behind his back. This bill can't be surely accepted. Hence, revision is essential; but, holding the govt to ransom by threatening to fast till the bill was passed in its current version is anti-democratic for sure. Gandhiji did it with the oppressive British regime but here we are using the same weapon against our own elected representatives. It is the "My way or the highway" kind of a stand and such an obstinate outlook is not going to be of any use. When Sri Hazare started the fast, it was called indefinite and was clearly told be different from a fast-unto-death. Even Kiran Bedi clarified in the press that he shall fast only as long as his health permits. So, what is it if not a form of blackmail, if today statements are made saying that the Govt is responsible if anything happens to Anna?

The govt did mess up very badly -first with all the scams; second, with denying Anna and his supporters the right for peaceful protests a la the British Raj. The very number of people coming out to support Team Anna shows that the middle class has had enough with bribery and corruption and looks upon Anna as a messiah who'll save them from this hell. My concern here is that how many people know what exactly they are protesting for apart from the key words "Anna hazare, jan Lok Pal and Anti-corruption". Do they know the pluses and the drawbacks of the govt bill and the Jan lok pal bill?? Do they know both sides of the debate or are they merely caught up in the frenzy? Are they under the misconception that the Jan Lok Pal bill will save them from the routine "20 rs extra , madam" that the auto wallah asks? That it will be a magic wand that will instantly erase corruption from all walks of the society? Have they truly thought about the powers that Team Anna wants the Jan lok pal to be given and whether there could be any backlash of creating such a powerful body? Would it end up being like a second CPAB (of SG) that has right to detain a person without trial?

Also, a large crowd of youth, high on adrenaline is a dangerous weapon. The mob literally is elevating Anna to a God status and seems unwilling to think of him as a normal human being who could also have some flaws. There are schools who are sending students - small children - to witness what is being called the second freedom struggle. Today a person also set himself ablaze at Delhi. Most Anna supporters I know follow the "With us or against us" kind of point of view ; expecting the public to have a binary view. Many are not open to thinking that the Team Anna draft of the Lok Pal bill is just one of the several alternatives , including the one drafted by RTI activist Aruna Roy. If one has problems with the methodology being employed by Anna Hazare, the person is promptly dubbed as a Congress supporter, or a un-patriotic person by fanatic Anna supporters.

Finally, Anna said "agree to our demands or step down" - and, one might be justified in saying so when the govt has failed them on all fronts. Fine, the govt steps down, what next? There are going to be elections at taxpayers cost - where we only get to choose between Worse and Worst. Will anybody from Team Anna contest the elections and promise to give us a better govt? Given the widespread support the movement has gained in India, and, as Kiran Bedi said "India is Anna and Anna is India", they are sure to win the elections and we might truly get better governance. With BJP messing up at the State level, and Congress screwing up big time at the Centre ; it might not even make sense to go vote in the next elections if we don't have better options!!!

I always feel hypocritical when I bitch about existing govts because, I know, that I would not want to touch politics with a ten-foot long pole. So, while all Anna supporters are busy making a villain out of the Govt, is anybody willing to shoulder the responsibility of trying to please the majority in a country with a population of more than a billion?

[P.S. I am not trying to defame Anna Hazare or his supporters. I am against corruption and would want a good anti-corruption squad. I am just not ok with the deadlines being issued, holding the govt to ransom and the effort to enforce a certain version of the bill without considering the alternatives. Just because I do not support Team Anna and their movement in entirety, I am not a corrupt politician or a person who does not love her country. Just clarifying matters before people start gunning me down for my views!]

The living dead

2011-07-29T18:52:00.002+05:30

You have to begin to lose your memory, if only in bits and pieces, to realize that memory is what makes our lives. Life without memory is no life at all…. Our memory is our coherence, our reason, our feeling, even our action. Without it, we are nothing…. (I can only wait for the final amnesia, the one that can erase an entire life, as it did my mother’s….)

—Luis Buñuel

We haven't known each other for long, but, ever since your grandson declared that he wanted to marry me, you have welcomed me open armed into your family. You and Aajoba did everything to make me feel welcome and were proud of me and my education like my own grandparents would have been. You did not once tell me to quit my studies and move to Mumbai to live with my husband. Instead, Aajoba kept urging me to work well and achieve higher laurels. You called me your naat-sun even before the wedding and took me with you to Goa, Shiroda and Saawantwadi and fondly introduced me to your home and family. You were thrilled with my rudimentary Marathi and appreciated the fact that I was actually trying to make an effort to communicate with you, instead of laughing at my lapses. You both refused to be bogged down by failing health and made the trip all the way to Bangalore to be there in person for our wedding; and in fact, attended every single bit of it. The days we stayed with you, I would wake up early and have a cup of tea with you and Aajoba, and you would reminisce about the days you worked at the Port, about how your mother gave you mangoes for lunch, about I. Butler and P. Butler who worked at your office! You would urge me to have yet another cup of tea and more biscuits while I chatted with Aajoba and tried my hand at reading the Marathi paper.

Then, aajoba fell ill and your memory started fading. I was bogged down with work and troubles here, and I could not make a trip to meet him in spite of knowing of his poor condition - and he passed away before I could meet him one last time. So, when I heard of your ill health, I wanted to come and meet you, and so I did. I know not what purpose it served. Your illness is of a different kind. You are trapped in your own mind, in a limbo between the real and the imaginary. You stare ahead with unseeing eyes and I cannot fathom what goes on behind those glazed eyes. You did not even realise I was there, though you had asked about me just a couple of days ago. I sat beside you, rubbed your palms and talked to you in my broken Marathi, but you did not respond - not because you were displeased, but because you just weren't there.

They say medical science has made remarkable progress, yet, my friend who is a doc tells me that most medicine is trial and error. Each human is different and hence, will respond differently to medication. Your doctors are trying out every possible thing to bring you back from this state of oblivion, and I hope fervently, that something will just click and you will be back to remembering and recognising us and come back into this world of the living.

Mango mela

2011-07-19T23:42:00.011+05:30

The summer of 2011 [Vamsee shall smile at this :P] shall be remembered for lot of things - our first summer since Indu left for the US, Gaya3 giving her colloquium, lots of ups and downs at my home, etc etc; but the sweetest memories of this summer will be of the mangoes.

Summer has always been a season of fun and frolic, of lazy afternoons and evenings on the beach, of Kundapur and cousins, of jackfruits and mangoes... Summer is incomplete without mangoes and conversely, the smell and taste of mangoes unfailingly brings the memories of carefree summer holidays. On an impulse, I decided to buy mangoes one day in April, when I went to 6th cross with Gaya3 for some bag shopping. This just marked the beginning of a crazy mango indulgence. My friends and I went berserk, buying and relishing all possible mango varieties available for sale in Bangalore.

We started with the sweet-sour Rasapuri and the nectarine Bangampalli, which for it's flawless skin is also called Benishaan. Amma went on to buy us the sweetest Talappadi I've ever eaten. We then tried the red-skinned Sindhura and the local aapus, Badami. The small and juicy Sakkaregutli were a requested item on the menu. We did not buy any Aalfonso [Haapus] but got to enjoy the tasty ones sent by Aai.

A vendor near 8th cross sold me some huge and pulpy Malagoba which turned out to be delicious! The small lane between the 8th and 9th cross became our regular haunt, with Gaya3, Aswani and I going there often to buy mangoes. The beauty of interaction with the vendors selling fruit on small carts can never be replaced by swanky super markets. We chatted with them, tasted the fruit, laughed at the bees swarming atop the cut fruits, bargained with them and got convinced by them to buy 3 kilos instead of the 1 that we had set out to buy.

By late May, the Mallika [not Sherawat] had arrived in the markets. This mango is a hybrid between Neelam and Dasheri. While it has a beautiful colour and is elongated in shape, it is the embodiment of the Bard's words-

There is a tide in the affairs of men,
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.
Shakespeare, Julius Caesar IV, iii, 217

The Mallika tastes wonderful, if eaten at the right stage. If allowed to ripen further, it ferments, leaving an acrid taste in your mouth!

Finding Rumani in the Reliance Fresh at 17th cross, 8th main, was a pleasant surprise. I remember Ajja bringing this mango home when we were young, and with his flair for spicing up tales, he used to call it Rumania, making it sound like the European country! The small almost spherical fruits resemble the tiny ooty apple in their shape and size, and have a distinctive flavour.

Langda was, yet again, a chance find at the fruit shop on 8th main. This green skinned medium sized mango comes in from the northern states and has a very un-mango-like aroma that grows on you!

We thought Neelam and Totapuri would mark the end of this very fruitful [pun fully intended] mango season, par picture abhi baaki tha, mere dost! On a visit to New BEL road with Nissim, I had seen a large roadside mango shop and a couple of days back, on the spur of the moment, Aswani and I decided to visit it .... and returned with 10 kilos of mangoes!! The shop, run by very courteous and helpful people, was selling various varieties of the fruit and coaxed us into buying about 3 kilos each of 3 different varieties!! Here we found two new cultivars - Himayat from Andhra and Dasheri, again from UP, and fell in love with the latter :)

Now with July coming to an end and with constant rains, the mangoes are dwindling. The ones that do come in the market have insects ['friends', as Aswani insists on calling them!] and necessitate extra precaution while eating ! Guess we have a few more days left, of feasting on Neelam and Totapuri, and with that, this season of celebrating the unchallenged supremacy of the King of Fruits would come to an end - and it has truly been a golden period!

The pleasure and pain of writing

2011-07-05T12:06:00.002+05:30

Have been inactive in the blogosphere for months on end now. Months where so much has happened, months that kept calling out to be recorded in detail; so that one may come back and read them to relive those moments, months where I've been completely swamped; having absolutely no personal time. Hopefully the worst is over and I should be able to get some breathing space. Have applied for an internet connection in my room and plan to blog regularly henceforth. Writing is a form of catharsis, an avenue to vent out my innermost thoughts. Could do with some writing now :)

Balancing act

2010-08-01T18:40:00.003+05:30

You are happily playing with a ball, by yourself . Throwing it up in the air, and catching it. Suddenly, someone shoves another few balls in your hand. You know you cannot drop any! You struggle. With immense concentration - and, you are just managing to get the hang of juggling them; when, you realise you are on a unicycle. You have to keep peddling, 'cause, if you stop, you fall down and so do the balls you are juggling. You keep going - out of will power. And, as you go forward, you approach a tight rope. You can't stop, so you ride on to it. The audience looks at you and marvels at how you are managing to balance. You look down from your high perch, and feel very scared and very lonely. And, you wish you were in the audience, looking at another circus performer. But, it's your balancing act and you have no choice but to perform - and perform well.

Moderation

2010-06-17T14:25:00.003+05:30

Sorry folks, getting some spam comments with chinese characters, which leads to horrible links. Unable to stop spamming even with word verification. So, have implemented comment moderation. Hope this reduces the spamming.

Have nearly 4 posts composed n waiting to be published. Shall do so asap.

The thrill of something new...

2010-06-11T16:45:00.003+05:30

Applied the new design to my blog.. and I am mighty thrilled about it!! Something new never fails to excite me - the new -20 freezer in the lab, a new set of pipettes, a new cuisine, a new soap to try, a new kurta to wear.. There's a strange thrill, a sense of a tiny adventure associated with something new.

Reminds me of what Prati once said - "You are like a kid- always thrilled with something new. But, as I think of it, I see something new in the everyday things; and I don't need a novelty to give me that thrill!" How true. When something is new, we look at it with wonder. Soon, comfort replaces the awe; familiarity breeds contempt and, we stop marveling at it. How nice it would be , never to lose that marvel, never to outgrow the charm of everyday life....

Realisations....

2010-06-06T19:47:00.002+05:30

Realisations.. things that strike you suddenly, not the kind that Buddha had sitting under the Bodhi tree for years.

Realisations ....

That I am slowly becoming a "grown-up", whether I like it or not...

That most of my BSc batchmates are married and have had babies!

That as a kid I thought at 25, people are mature, responsible adults; and now that I am that venerable age, I don't feel anywhere close to it!

That perhaps all the 'adults' whom I was pissed at as a kid, were also individuals with similar confusions like mine, and I was wrong in being judgmental.

That it's been 3 years since I left IIT - it doesn't feel that way, and yet at the same time, it feels like it was in another universe!

That in spite of all the promises made, I am slowly drifting apart from the best friends I made while at IIT - and it is, but, inevitable.

That I had left IIT saying I would work on protein folding, and, though my lab is a protein folding lab, I am probably the only one there who doesn't do any biophysics!

That it's been 2 whole years into my PhD and I haven't done much about it.

That I started writing the blog under an assumed name since I wanted it to be a place where in I could pour out all feelings, and give the link only to people whom I would be comfortable sharing these thoughts with. But, with the blog gaining publicity, I think twice before typing a post. Maybe I need another personal blog...

Feeling hot, hot, hot...

2010-03-13T10:50:00.004+05:30

This year has been by far the earliest and hottest summer Bangalore has experienced, with max temperature reaching 34 to 36 deg C . The light showers which come every year around Shivaratri were markedly absent this year. By the end of feb, namma bengaluru was resembling the Macbeth witches' cauldron. And, why not? After all, this is the first year after the massive tree felling in the city. Trees have been cut near Race course road, for road widening; in front of the insti for road widening and a crazy underpass; and almost everywhere in the city for the elusive Metro. It is but natural that Nature retaliates. We shall face the brunt of this thoughtless act. Next year might be worse. At this rate of indiscriminate and thoughtless tree chopping, the 'Garden City' might be a thing of the past :(

Grumpy

2010-03-02T11:57:00.008+05:30

Have been Happy, Sleepy, Dopey, Bashful and Sneezy this month. Am Grumpy today. When do I get to be Doc?? :)

It's rather curious, you know, this sort of life ... :)

2010-02-27T11:46:00.005+05:30

The "Cecilia in thesis land" series in Phdcomics ends on a positive note.. thanks, Jorge :)

Open day at IISc showed the same thing. It might get dreary at times, frustrating most of times, and at several points you wonder if it is of any consequence, this thing that you are doing. But, then , you realise, Science is all about this, and, no matter what the downs are, this life is rather curious :)

Blank Spaces

2010-02-27T10:20:00.000+05:30

A blank space – indeed how does one begin to describe a blank space? On the very face of it, the phrase appears to be a tautology, with ‘space’ itself meaning ‘a vast, unoccupied area’. As darkness is defined by the absence of light, the blank space can be defined by the absence of substance. But, on a second thought, one sees that a blank space holds innumerous possibilities for interpretation.

To a painter, it is an empty canvas, pregnant with myriad possible paintings to be made. To a teacher it is an innocent child’s mind, ready to be taught and eager to learn. A sculptor would see it as a beautiful piece of stone, waiting to be carved into his next masterpiece. It would remind the farmer of a land to be cultivated; and the builder, of a land that can be developed into a luxurious and profitable layout. A dancer would liken it to an open stage and a writer, to an unwritten page. The lover would see in it, a place where beautiful day dreams can be woven.

To the thinker, it is the absence of cluttering. The yogi says it is the beautiful calmness and peace of mind; while to the spiritual, it is Nothingness, the point at which one sublimes and merges with the Supreme.

A nature activist sees a blank space as a place of extensive deforestation. To the depressed it brings pictures of bleakness, while the psychiatrist would all it a representation of Alzheimer’s disease. To the destitute, it is home.

The beauty of the blank space lies in the eyes of the beholder – unadulterated and pure, or, barren and devoid of life. A pristine landscape waiting to be explored or a frightening ruin that drives away even the whiff of joy. A blank space is, thus, an externalization of our own mind. Our thoughts are what we see in it. When we calm our mind and drive out disturbing thoughts, it becomes the blank space that can be moulded into countless possibilities.

Why does this strike a chord???

2010-02-18T14:09:00.004+05:30

"when I started, everything seemed curious and full of wonder .... but now, everything has changed ... or maybe, I have changed ..." ... why does this strike a chord?? :(

10 reasons why one should have water crisis in hostels.

2010-02-18T09:57:00.004+05:30

1. You get to tune your body clock according to water availability timings - you can probably publish a Nature paper titled "Rewiring the circadian rhythm - a study on effects of water availability on the human wake-sleep cycle" .

2. You can kick bad habits like getting up at 6 AM, as you don't get water till 9 in the morn.

3. The long walk from your room to the only bathroom in the hostel that has water, on the floor below yours, can prove to be the morning walk you always wanted to take, but were too lazy to actually go on.

4. You can experience emotions which you never thought you were capable of - like the murderous rage that hits you when you see the unkempt lawns in front of the main building being watered incessantly, when you don't have water for basic needs.

5. Your mind gets sharpened and inhibitions lowered; and you come up with crazy ideas like taking a face wash and tooth brush to the main building, and freshening up in the morn, using the water which is available in plenty there.

6. You get to check out all the loos on campus - on other wings in your hostel, the ones in other hostels, the ones in your dept etc.

7. You can publish a book titled - "A comprehensive survey of bathrooms on the campus of the Indian Institute of Science, Bangalore and classification of the same based on water availability and hygiene"

8. You get to play your role in the water conservation movement by not taking the daily bath.

9. You can opt to be a subject in trials for perfume and deodorant companies.

10. You appreciate the administration's successful efforts in making you empathise with the under-privileged, who have to struggle for the water on a regular basis.

Murder in broad daylight

2010-02-08T14:22:00.003+05:30

There was a murder in the area I live, and it happened in broad daylight. The victim, was a veteran, who had lived for decades, braving the odds. The assailants were many; young muscular men in the prime of their youth. They hacked at their victim, who still stood strong and needed several blows from several men before showing the first signs of tottering. It looked like the victim was a practiser of ahimsa - not once was there any retaliation to the torture that was being inflicted. There were several passer-bys, silent witnesses, who gave the carnage a fleeting glance, not pausing to help, lest their busy schedule be upsetted. As the victim stood swaying under the heavy onlaught, the henchmen under the supervision of the boss, lassoed the victim and pulled, until, the poor thing could stand no further and finally, toplled over - a silent corpse. Friends and family stood rooted to their spots, in silence and shock; unable to help their loved one who now lay lifeless on the ground. Not that there would be any use if they spoke - who would hear their plea when the Government itself was ordering their elimination. The victim's brother, who was next in line, bowed his head silently, and let his body be subjected to the assailants' attack . And, people continued to pass by silently, without sparing a thought for the lovely huge tree that was being brutally chopped down to make way for a useless underpass.

Caught!

2010-01-20T22:42:00.003+05:30

Had a very eventful saturday. Day started off pretty ok - I was confident I would do a great job with my lit, and was making a perfect ppt - beautifully formatted, notes page etc etc. It was only by 1 pm that I realised my master piece would have to remain unfinished since I had to present by 1:30. Was feeling like a louse, sitting in the seminar hall, hating my bookish nothing-remarkable work. There was so much more to the interesting technique and all I had put in my slides was a amateurish ship shod job. The fact that RV didn't say anything only depressed me further, 'cause it made me feel that he had very low expectations from me.

Went to the dentist in the evening, and found out that I had developed two new cavities. Was plunged into more depression. You see, my teeth had always been my pride and glory. I used to bask in the glory of the fact that I had had 24 dental carries free care-free years :P In fact, my dentist was more upset than I to see my "pearl-like" teeth, as she called them, going to the dogs .

Stepped out of the dentist in this foul and depressed mood and stepped into Temptations, to see if they had Paa , which Amma was keen on seeing, for reasons I cannot comprehend. Since I was carrying just a handbag, they let that in. The ever-attentive-to-the-point-of-being-irritating salesman informed me that Paa was not in stock. So, I decided to do some general browsing. Saw a MoserBaer cheap edition of Khosla ka Ghosla, which I thought parents might like and picked it up. Moved on to the English section and was looking at the Incredible Hulk, when the above mentioned sales guy comes and says - "madam, we need to see your bag" - it was then that realization dawned on me . Years of supermarket shopping had taught me to put selected articles in the bag I was carrying - which was what I had absent-mindedly and very stupidly done here. I pulled out the incriminating evidence and started justifying - I am so sorry, I did it unintentionally, I wouldn't have left without paying". The guy continued staring at me and said - "We have hidden cameras ma'am, we see everything that happens" . I continued apologizing. By then, everyone in the store was staring at us, and I was wishing the earth would open up and swallow me, a la Sita. Then the guy gives me this super accusing look saying - "madam, neevu maaDiddu tappallva" [Madam, what you did was wrong, na?]. I admitted it was wrong and very stupid. Then, he said - we need to check your bag, ma'am. I gave him my bag, tried to appear nonchalant and continued staring at the english dvds rack as though I was unperturbed, trying hard to avoid other customers' looks. In about 5 mins, the guy returned my bag. I felt the compulsion to buy another dvd, as though to prove my innocence by making more business and buying stuff legally. So, I picked up a Bhaavageethe compilation of MD Pallavi. Went to the desk, and found the very same guy at the payment counter, who after taking the exact change from me, told me "don't do that again" . I started telling him that it was all a mistake, it was unintentional and I am not a shop-lifter - but could see it was all in vain. He was patting himself on the back for having finally made use of the fancy hidden cameras, and having caught a potential shop lifter red-handed.

Was very shaken after this. How difficult it is to prove intention! All that the world sees is action, and it is so difficult to prove one's innocence! It was really ironic that I - who is generally idealistic and uptight about road rules, following the law, doing the right thing etc, was "caught"shop-lifting". And, more ironic is the fact, that if it was some other girl who was in my position, and I was a mere spectator, I might have very well thought she was guilty and wondered - " Wow, she looks to be decent, but, well, who knows what people truly are! She might well be a kleptomaniac!!" In fact, some days back on the bus, I heard this programme on a stupid radio channel, where the RJ was asking viewers who have shoplifted to call and tell how they did it, and she was giving away gift vouchers to the callers! And, this show had girls coming in and confessing that they flick cosmetics from bangle stores and, not because they can't afford it, but for the thrill of it!! I would have thought that the "caught shoplifter" was one such girl! And the store owner might have thought I was the same!

Well, learnt a lot that day - from the lab meet, I learnt that I should give my best to things hence forth, 'cause I have the potential in me and I should not settle for anything sub standard. And from the shoplifting incident I learnt that one should be very careful while one acts - since the world sees only the action and not the intention behind it. I also learnt that I shouldn't be very judgmental - give people the benefit of doubt until proved guilty; since many might be wrongly accused and just because a lot of people think in one way, it doesn't make that right.

P.S. the Khosla ka ghosla cd had bad print and bad audio! Literally it ended up as a much ado about nothing!

Self Doubt....

2010-01-06T11:55:00.004+05:30

Was thinking over what Swapna said at the dinner table, a few days ago. Some people have the opinion that praise should not be given on the face, and should be very discreetly done. But, as she said, during periods of self doubt, small little positive things said about you, by people who mater, makes a big difference. To quote her " I am currently feeling like crap. If there's anything good in me, tell me now. I want to hear it. Rather than telling eons later that I did good work on a project, tell me right away!" How true. Could do with some ego boosters currently. For all the times I felt that I was a perpetually chirpy person, and, it would take a lot to make me blue, Grad school is sure trying hard to prove me wrong.

Happened to go through a poster of my Masters work and went back and looked at my Masters PPT... somehow, strangely felt that I had done more work for my MSP than in 1 yr of PhD. Was surely more motivated back then. And, was also testing my potential to the max - course work, projects, French course, ran the dream run, did some work as the MAD secy of my hostel, sang for Swar Sandhya, won the classical music competition (an event that I could never reproduce!), went out with friends quite often, battled a few personal demons, and had a great gang of close friends. Wonder how I did so much back then, while currently, I am not even being able to pursue Yoga along with work. :(

Went to Mumbai for the weekend. Just wish I had accomplished something substantial over the last few weeks, to make me feel the break was well deserved. Been taking a lot of breaks and holidays with family of late. While I do love the time I spend with them, maybe , like what RV told me once, I need to prioritise and get thing moving.

Looks like it is time for a lot of painful but much needed introspection.... ouch.

Nostalgic musings............

2009-12-30T09:08:00.004+05:30

Been missing my IIT-B friends, more so the life there, and, suffering a dull ache at the fact that we have drifted apart. No matter how much I blind myself to this fact, it just stays there and refuses to go away. Half of us married, the rest on the verge of it, most working, some studying. Each busy with their own life, making new friends, & while not forgetting old ones, slowly losing touch. It hurts. These were the people with whom I formed the strongest bonds, sharing almost everything, with close to zero inhibition. I could ask them anything, without the fear of offending them, knowing that even if I unknowingly did so, they would tell me and not take it to heart. We shared laughter, tears, joys, sorrows, crushes, old secrets, foolish aspirations, grand ambitions - in a nut shell - everything! Now, my closest friend is getting engaged in less than a week. I guess she's already in India. Haven't been able to speak to her in months. Makes me wonder what went wrong..... how did we progress from sharing every minute of our lives to speaking once in 3 months.

Watching Wonder Years on the trot these days . Watched the episode titled "Growing up" today . This line that Kevin says towards the end of the episode is still lingering in my mind.

"Growing up is never easy. You hold onto things that were; you wonder what's to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be - other days, new days, days to come. The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older; we just had to forgive ourselves for growing up"

Update : Called her soon after writing the post. Was wonderful talking, discussing the impending engagement and ribbing each other like olden days. Well, somethings might change as we grow older, but, some people will always mean a lot to you.

more Mathe-magic :)

2009-12-25T18:20:00.001+05:30

I just love Futility closet... check out these two super awesome links - a & b. Enjaay maaDi !

Bird Diapers

2009-12-25T18:16:00.001+05:30

Check out this link at Futility Closet . Need I say anymore to poor IISc-ians who have been bombarded many-a-time by bird crap missiles!!

We wish you a merry Christmas, merry Christmas, merry Christmas....

2009-12-24T13:13:00.002+05:30

I studied in a school run by Protestants; so, for us, Christmas was always a time of festivities. Apart from the regular two weeks off at Dasara, we also got about 10 days off during Christmas, which itself was enough to induce the festive mode in all of us! The fact that most of the kids in our neighbourhood, who studied in non-christian schools, got only a day off ; was the cherry on top of the sundae of awesomeness that was Christmas break !! [dialogue credits to the Legen-wait for it -dary Barney Stintson! ]

We would have Christmas carol practice through December, with patient teachers trying to mold our unwieldy voices into a smooth chorus . Christmas celebrations in school always happened 2 - 3 days before the 25th. The day would be a half day, with a small program of a play, some carols, an unwilling guy dressed as Santa, a few boring speeches; followed by sweet distribution - and, off we went on a glorious holiday! In the true spirit of Christmas, it was a period of Joy and Happiness in our tiny little world!

Even after School, the hangover of Christmas stayed with me, and I would get a plum cake, decorate our home, and based on my economic conditions, get small gifts for everyone in my family, including Gowri, and that would be my Christmas celebration.

Coming to think of it now, I am lucky to have broad -minded parents, who did not think my Hindu-ness was threatened by my celebration of Christmas. We have an infant Jesus photo, amongst all the various idols and photos of the close-to-33 crore Hindu gods and goddesses. And, in fact, not at any point did it ever cross my mind as to why Christmas should not be as big a festival for us as Krishna Janmastami, Ganapati , Dasara, Diwali, Ugadi or Sankranti. It was , like the others, a period of Festivities and Cheer :)

Now it is Christmas again... remembering all the previous years and feeling nostalgic. Went on a trek on Tuesday - which was adventourous, and saw Avataar yesterday in 3 -D and loved it [More on this later] .. the ideal finale for the Christmas celebration would be having a break on this extended weekend, go to the Niligiris cake exhibition, get plum cake and relax at home. But, alas, it is not to be. My impending lab meet on Saturday necessiates that I work tomorrow - the first Christmas I am working , in these 25 years... ah, well, there's always a first time, and hope this is the last one too.. it is far too depressing to work when you are infused with the holiday spirit!

It not only rains but pours.

2009-12-18T08:39:00.002+05:30

When things start going wrong, they seem to go wrong simultaneously in all different spheres of your life - health, work, inter-personal relations, family - wonder why it happens. Currently, things are not moving at work - want to badly take a break and run away - but, the naked truth is that if I do that, I shall have a lot of not-moving work waiting for me when I get back, to plunge me into another bout of depression, and the vicious circle continues. Better to grit my teeth, bear with it and see this thing through. Hope I find the mental strength for the same.

The Garfield Evolution

2009-10-28T06:26:00.003+05:30

[The left panel is taken from a 1980 strip; the right is from a 1990 strip.]

Was reading about Garfield on Wiki. They speak about how the Garfield appearance changed over years, as is seen in the panels above. The description given is - "...The appearance of Garfield was probably the most notable; he underwent a "Darwinian evolution" in which he began walking on his hind legs, "slimmed down", and "stopped looking [...] through squinty little eyes".

Why does it sound similar to my evolution? :P

Math-e-magic :)

2009-10-26T10:29:00.002+05:30

Got these links - link 1 and link 2 - from the blog "The futility closet" Truly awesome :)

Ambedkar Aur Gandhi

2009-10-13T09:08:00.004+05:30

Read the synopsis of a play that is going to stage tomorrow evening at Ranga Shankara. It's a Hindi play called Ambedkar Aur Gandhi .

This is the synopsis of the play as they give it :

The play brings to us the long drawn debate between Gandhi and Ambedkar. Though both worked towards the upliftment of the so called backward community their methods were as different as chalk and cheese. Apart from concentrating on the correspondence between Gandhi and Ambedkar that led to the Poona pact, the playwright underlines the benefits that Ambedkar’s proposals will bring to the lower castes and Gandhiji’s concerns regarding the removal of division between the upper and lower caste Hindus.

I would go with Gandhi's view, than Ambedkar's. 'Cause all the reservations and the so-called efforts to 'uplift' the 'backward' class, have only increased the divide. While these methods don't really help the people in rural area, where the discrimination actually happens; in the urban areas, in minds of the student community, it has only created an anti-reservation attitude, to the point where the quota candidates are looked down upon, as intellectually inferior, having gotten in only on basis of their caste. How does this even help remove the barriers of caste system?? How I wish the Indian Constitution acted on the ideals of Gandhiji, instead of those of Ambedkar!! [Difficult, when the latter wrote the Constitution!] The concern should be to eliminate caste system, and how can we achieve that when every damn application form in the country asks you to state your religion and caste?

The Basterds and the Nobel

2009-10-10T10:38:00.006+05:30

I thought I won't start of by speaking about the Nobel - which is what I seem to be doing since yesterday. But, couldn't resist myself from commenting on this idiotic ass-licking that the Nobel committee seems to be doing. A great man, who united the masses and fought a 'war' of independence by non-violent methods apparently didn't deserve the Nobel but a guy who had barely been in office for 2 weeks when the nominations were filed, and who - so far - has only made promises - was given the Nobel !! Apparently, in Stockholm, words speak louder than actions.

Anyway, watched the Inglourious Basterds recently. Ultimate paisa vasool movie. Been a long time since I enjoyed a movie so much. Had been to Quick Gun Murugan with NiNa, hoping to have a jolly laugh - was a huge disappoinment. Went to see the Basterds without too many expectations - but was pleasantly surprised! I did like Kill Bill [after all, isn't it thrilling to pluck an eye out and smash it under your foot!] but this movie had more than just beautiful action, violence and gore !! And, got to hear some French after a long time and realised I still remembered some - could comprehend a lot more than 'oui', 'non', 'merci' :)

Finished catching up on House MD season 6 , HIMYM and BBT - all episodes so far. Waiting eagerly for the fresh ones.

Must say I have made full utilisation of my boss's absence !!

The Lost Symbol

2009-10-06T09:34:00.003+05:30

Picked up Dan Brown's latest from the Papyrus desk yesterday. Read about 50 pages. So far no one has died a gruesome death, nor has any ancient mystic secret been revealed - though, a person has gotten initiated into a secret society :D It stars his all-time favourite hero Langdon, but no cute attractive, slim-trim-beautiful lady on the scene as yet.

The book has not been impressive this far, made evident by the fact that I didn't stay up all night to read it :) , but let's see how the plot proceeds :)

Apart from this, read a few Matthew Reillys recently. 'Contest', his first novel, was strictly OK , the plot making it obvious why no publisher wanted to publish it and why Matt Reilly himself had to put in funds to print the first 1000 prints :D . "Ice Station" was humongous - a whopping 700 pg novel. But, it was good. The plot was gripping, the twists nice - it was like reading an action movie :) "Hell's island" was pathetic - I thought it was utterly crappy, and got published or read only beacuase it was in an omnibus version with "Ice Station"; till I read online that it was a novella written for people with reading disablities. Now, I think both the novel and the idea are utterly crappy :P Why would reading about a mutant genetically engineered gorrilla race, built for the kill, encourage anyone to read any more??? Blood-thristy Gorrillas tooting M-4 Colts, controlled by radio waves transmitted to a chip implanted in their brains - not exactly my idea of nice English literature!!!

Anyway, looking for a really good book to read - something as nice as "To kill a mocking bird". Any suggestions?

Women's secrets :)

2009-10-04T11:55:00.002+05:30

Went lingerie shopping with old friends on Friday, at a lovely store on Brigade road. Was observing all the women who'd come to shop. Most of them did not fit into the mold of Victoria's Secrets models :) Some were fat, some skinny, some fair, some dark, some plain, rest- plain ugly! But, yet, as they looked at the lingerie, one could see the transformation happen. I realised lacy lingerie was not just meant to make one look sexy, it made one feel sexy, made one feel desirable and did great wonders to one's self image!! And, I realised one need not be size zero to look wow, one could even be shape zero, yet feel wow... and, a woman confident about her looks is any day more sexy and more alluring than a woman who is anorexic and insecure. Beauty comes from within, truly ;)

Would you capture it or just let it slip?

2009-10-01T11:51:00.003+05:30

Two years before, on this day I faced a question. A question like none that I had faced in any interview, one that was both exhilarating and unnerving, one that would just blow me off my feet and turn my world upside down. I had my own sweet time to answer the question - and the time sure was sweet!! :) I had my one shot, my one opportunity..... To seize everything I ever wanted in one moment - I took my chance, seized the moment... and, must say, life has turned out to be very beautiful indeed!!

What next????

2009-09-30T21:38:00.002+05:30

Came back to lab - 9 pm
Checked Mbu-mail - 9:05 pm
Checked gmail - 9:15 pm
Checked face book - 9:20 pm
Took random quizzes on facebook - 9:30 pm
Checked PhD comics - 9:35 pm
Checked Abstruse goose - 9:40 pm
Checked xkcd - 9:45 pm
What next???????????
............ Oh, Damn, got to start working now ............ !!!!!

To kill a mocking bird

2009-09-28T09:21:00.003+05:30

Just read a beautiful book after a long long time. Amazingly written, the story narrated via kids was one of the most beautiful, simple, innocent, yet touching tales I have read.

Ms Gates- " That's the difference between America and Germany. We are a democracy and Germany is a dictatorship. Over here, we do not believe in prosecuting anybody. Prosecution comes from people who are prejudiced."

Scout - "I heard Miss Gates distinctly saying ugly things about Tom Robinson [a black man who was unjustly sentenced to death on a white girl's false accusation], and how this should teach them all a lesson. Why can Miss Gates can hate Hitler and yet feel Tom Robinson's verdict is justified because he's black? "

Kharaashein

2009-09-13T18:47:00.003+05:30

Went with Sis and Bro-in-law yesterday, to Chowdaiah Memorial, to watch a play titled "Kharashein" , which is a recital of Gulzaar's poems and enactment of few select short stories. I wonder whether it was insensitive of us; or whether we aren't 'cultured' enough; but, both Akka and I found most of the play highly pretentious!! The in-your-face poignant recital of poetry, the low voice, the semi-breathless way of speech, the sudden raised voices - reminded us of the arty guy in the movie Luck by Chance !! While Akka with her 'Thriller' reminiscences had me in splits during the poem 'Kabristan hai yeh, yahan aahista chalo' ; lines like 'Sir pe uga hua Cactus" had us stuffing our fists in our mouth to stop laughing.

The small enactments were good; especially the one where two scared people meet in a dumpster during communal riots, each trying to stay alive and escape being killed by the mad mob or the crazier police. The way a friendship springs up, surpassing boundaries of religion; the way each recognises the other as a fellow human, with family and friends - the utter futility of communalism was brought out beautifully and subtly. Was indeed touching.

Guess I am not that "Arty-farty" as my cousin put it. Poems might be beautiful to read, and one might appreciate them a lot, especially if one's in the right mood. But poem recitals - over dramatic ones at that - are not my cup of tea. I prefer my drama to be a ROTFL comedy or an enactment that brings out the message through the play, than screaming it out loud and throwing it in your face all the time.

Anyway, an interesting and unique experience! Though, pretty sure, would not want to undergo it again!

Dying Changes Everything

2009-08-09T12:10:00.002+05:30

Death is a strange thing. You hear of it happening, everyday, everywhere. The media seems to have sadistic pleasure in bring it to your notice all the time -"56 dead in blasts, 45 drowned in floods, Child dies in motor accident", so on and so forth. You read the headlines, maybe feel shocked and sorry for a while, and conveniently move on to the next headline.You never realise the finality of death till it strikes close to home.

Death is a strange morphogen. It impacts your memories, changes them and somehow, you generally end up feeling guilty. You remember all the fights you had with that person, and, though at that time you had a valid reason for taking the stand you did, now you just find it childish and immature, and you feel guilty. You remember the things that the person had asked you to do for them and you had refused or put off, and never got around to doing. You remember all the good things about that person, and wonder why you never appreciated them enough. You think of all the good times you had with that person and wonder why you never had more, in spite of enjoying them so much. And you feel guilty. And, you realise how final Death is. That no matter how much you wish, you really can't go back in time, give them that one extra hug, have that one special day, tell them sorry for everything, and put things right. You just have to live with your guilt, with your demons that creep upon you and catch you unawares in your weak moments.

It is like what Greg House says - "Nearly dying doesn't change anything. Dying -changes everything".

Tragedy ... quarter-life crisis

2009-06-27T10:28:00.003+05:30

Yes, the unthinkable has happened. After about a quarter of my life has gone by, the thing that I managed to avoid with some much effort over all this years, has hit me big time. I got dental carries!!!! :(

I was proud of my 31 teeth [ya, one canine decided never to make an appearance!, so, I am not a total bitch :D] And, had managed to preserve them intact all these days. But, alas, the bugs caught up with me finally. So, developed a few tiny cavities. Have to go to the dentist now. As Ogden Nash says, "Some tortures are physical, some are mental, but the one that's both is Dental!!" So, preparing myself for the ordeal now ... :( Sob!

Alternative careers

2009-06-24T15:30:00.002+05:30

Had heard this question some time back. "what would you choose as a career, if it is not what you are doing currently?" and, one was expected to come up with at least 5 alternative careers. I found I could come up easily with more than 5 !! So, here are my alternative careers :

1. Restaurant Critic
Nissim suggested this one, based on my habit of ranking eating places - 'ambiance good, service bad, food ok ; overall not good value for money' etc etc :). But, as he pointed out, as a vegetarian I would be handicapped in this job !!

2. Chef
Well, as is evident from my appearance, I enjoy food - especially good food - and I enjoy cooking. Would love to take up some cookery classes and be able to whip up delicacies!

3. Writer
I was seriously considering writing some columns for newspapers - like the O-zone in TOI . Whether they would entertain me is secondary :D But, I like writing. The recent decline in frequency of blogging is primarily due to my shift to campus and the lack of internet in hostels there. A lot of blog posts are composed in my mind, and die a slow death there, without ever seeing the light of cyberspace.

4. Being a member of a music group.
It has always been a cherished dream. And, during Swar Sandhya at IITB, this dream just got reinforced. But, for any dream to be fulfilled, one has to work hard, and, I realised the hard way that I hadn't put in enough effort for this dream to come true. Anyway, tomorrow is another day and there's no harm in continuing to dream!!

5. Wild life enthusiast
I love animals, and, can sit and watch Animal planet and NatGeo programs on snakes, reptiles, birds and all kinds of animals, for hours on end!! The Animal Behaviour course I took at IISc was one of my most favourite courses :) Would seriously love to be out in the field, observe and understand how wonderfully Nature operates!

6. Travellogue writer
Have recently been bitten by the travel bug. Am being filled with a desire to travel, go see different cities, different countries, see how the people are, what the history of the place is, what the habits are, look at their traditions and cultures, shop :D Would love to travel for a living, esp. if someone else is paying for it :D

Other choices of career , which are not as prefered as these, are veterniary doctor, interior decorator, Green Peace activist, School teacher, movie reviewer and book critic :D

So, what would be your alternative careers???

Anniversary celebrations

2009-05-22T09:52:00.004+05:30

Our government sure knows how to prioritise. The flooding of roads, blocked drains, perpetual traffic problems, moral policing troubles - all might exist. But more important than these, is the need to celebrate the 1 st anniversary of BJP rule in our state. Now, isn't this what good leadership is all about!

Betrothal

2009-05-01T01:16:00.005+05:30

When decided, I thought it was 4 months away!
Then, by March I had the early jitters.. which soon passed by...
Then, April started off with vows to diet, which never took off!
And, now it is May!
About 2 days and a few hours left....
Butterflies are doing the waltz, the cha-cha, the hip-hop and free style simultaneously in my tummy!
I am going to be engaged!!!!!

mind blowing!

2009-04-10T11:04:00.001+05:30

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly

answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by Proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are this year's winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease.

9. Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

10 Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole

Digital sixth sense

2009-04-02T10:42:00.001+05:30

Found out that some researchers from MIT have developed this ultra cool technology. Check it out. P.S. Cool quotient is way high and geek alarm is on full alert :D

http://blog.wired.com/business/2009/02/ted-digital-six.html

Garfield rules!

2009-03-16T09:13:00.001+05:30

Found this wonderful Garfield poster online and could not resist putting it up!

Im-moral policing.

2009-03-16T07:43:00.011+05:30

This is Sankey. My favourite lake. I was suffering from Lake-sickness once I got back from IIT-B. The Powai lake there was our fav hangout. It was a wonderful mood-lifter, to go and sit there when I was feeling low. So, once at IISc, when NiNa suggested Sankey, i just jumped up at the offer. And, instantly fell in love with the lake. The vast waters, the well maintained litter-free walkways, the nice seats that allow people to rest a while - I loved everything about the place. Soon, it was our favourite walk-the-talk site. Ah! There are so many beautiful memories I have about this place!

So, when I bought new Nike running shoes, it seemed that the most obvious place to go running was Sankey :) So, got up at 6, and went to Sankey, all geared up. It looked beautiful, as usual, wisps of clouds , small ripples on the waters, a few kids playing in the sand pit. People of all sizes and ages walking, jogging and exercising. Then, I noticed something - something that had changed at Sankey.

[reads "Dhoomapana nishediside" which means "Smoking is prohibited' ]

[Means "Give preference for seating to Senior citizens and the physically challenged"]

[ Means "Do not walk on the lawns"]

They had painted slogans and directives on the back of the seats. While the ones above were sensible, the others, like these were not.

[this is self explanatory]

[ Means "Do not demonstrate your love"]

[means "Let your actions not cause embarrassment to others"]

Who sets the bar? Who decides what is "obscene"? For the moral police and Sri Ram sene, even a guy and a girl sitting on the same bench might count as 'obscene behaviour'. Or girls wearing tees and shorts for jogging might be 'obscene'. Who is the deciding authority? This was disgusting. Why couldn't they let parks and lakes to be prisitine ? Couples also need a place to sit in the city. Is it wrong to come with your loved one and enjoy a few serene moments at the lake? And, what is meant by "Do not demonstrate your love"? I do not think that demonstration of love is against Indian Culture. For Heaven's sake, we are the country that produced the Kama Sutra! All the love poems of Kalidasa also speak of love. The current moral police do not seem to have the insights the ancient people had - that Love is Divine. Love is not limited to cuddling kids. Even adults can do with a hug once in a while.

Truly, it is not the people - the common men and women - who want the moral policing. Nor are the so called "Moral police" really concerned about our "Culture" . As is obvious with Pramod Mutalik contesting the elections this time, all of this is a bid for political mileage and to hog media attention. After all, who was Mutalik before the Mangalore pub attacks? Now he's become a household name. And, if he had plans of contesting elections, it was an excellent tactic to hog media attention and become a front page personality. Sadly, the only ones who suffer in all this political drama are we common people.

Kundadri - a walk in the clouds!

2009-03-15T10:48:00.005+05:30

Went to Agumbe on our departmental trip, on Feb 28th and March 1st. Was an extremely well organised trip! Congos to Aswani, Senthil, Shreya and batchmates. Had great fun on the hike to Barkana falls, the dip at Jogi Gundi and, above all, the near-to-divine experience at Kundadri. We woke up at 4, to go see the sunrise. Our bus took us to the base of the hill, which is about 20 km from Agumbe. For the last 4 km up the hill, a maruti van had been aranged to shuttle people up. The morning was misty. When we reached up at 630 AM, we were dreading we'd missed the sunrise, as the mist had cleared out. But, a spectacular sight awaited us . And, that was this :

We were above the clouds! The fluffy cotton spread all below us was an ocean of clouds! It was heavenly! We sat spellbound and watched the sun rise from amidst the clouds.

Was the closest to divine experience I have had. It was like this John Muir quote I'd read -

“The grand show is eternal. It is always sunrise somewhere; the dew is never dried all at once; a shower is forever falling; vapor is ever rising. Eternal sunrise, eternal dawn and gloaming, on sea and continents and islands, each in its turn, as the round earth rolls.Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.”

Sunday Blog day.

2009-03-15T10:45:00.003+05:30

Why can't we have the net at hostels!!! I hate going back to lab at night, and, lack of the net at the hostel leaves me nettled! Have to store up all thoughts and ideas for the weekend, some of which don't seem worth blogging by then. I miss the 24-hr net at IIT-B hotels :(

Looks like the memory isn't failing after all!

2009-03-15T10:30:00.002+05:30

Took a memory test. Got the link from jb's blog. Looks like the Alzheimer's is far away! Here is my result!

The very bearable lightness of being!

2009-02-23T10:34:00.001+05:30

No, I have n't lost weight or anything! Just having this wonderful feeling of well being. Ajja always used to quote this poem, and, my state of mind matches with it!

THE year 's at the spring,
And day 's at the morn;
Morning 's at seven;
The hill-side 's dew-pearl'd;
The lark 's on the wing;
The snail 's on the thorn;
God 's in His heaven—
All 's right with the world!
- Robert Browning
[Pippa's song]

The Cellular Jail

2009-02-15T23:47:00.006+05:30

The Cellular Jail. People unnecessarily spend thousands in going to Andaman's to see it, while there is a perfectly functional replica at the IISc campus [Tata institute, to localites] . Being an inmate, I can give you a detailed tour of the same.

From the outside, you can see the formidable stone structure, an imposing circular building, as the name suggests. If you are brave enough to enter it, you can see the dark gloomy corridors, that rays of sunlight haven't penetrated since construction.

The building has three storeys, each having rooms that are like cells - prison cells, not the telephones or the ones that Leeuwenhoek was interested in. In fact, these are the ones that most people wouldn't be interested in, except for sadists, torturers and the occassional masochists.

The rooms have windows having steel frames. If you can steel yourself to try and open them, you'll realise the effort is futile. In fact, if the demon from the parable managed to straighten his dog's tail, you could put him to the task of opening the windows of these rooms, and be assured of keeping him occupied for a few millenia.

These unopenable windows, however seem to be selectively permeable. They keep out the air and sunshine but let rain water and mosquitoes in. And, since the rooms lack the net - both the real and the virtual one - you ll only be fighting a losing battle with the winged beasts.

The rooms are meant for solitary confinement. Once in the room, you will not be able to talk to your friends and family - in virtuality and in reality. While the lack of the other kind of net prevents the former, the building being the 'Cellular' Jail, ensures that your Cellular phones do not get any network once you are in. In fact, I am quite sure that the special stone with which the walls are built reflect radio and micro waves, ensuring signals do not sneak in.

But, fikar not. The Ever-gracious Nature has found a way of overcoming the horros of solitray confinement. So, ta-da-da! You have Friendly Fungus giving you company [albeit unwanted] on those long, lonely nights. The fungus is well watered by the drip irrigation during the rains. And, your walls soak in enough of the moisture to remain damp in the dry months so as to continue to nurture Mr. Friendly Fungus.

The jail is guarded by The Sri Ram Sene - the loyal primate brigade of the Lord. They abound around the circular dungeon and were you to try and break open a window, they will pour in by the dozen and make you feel that the state of closeted imprisonment was better. This way they ensure that the women of our country do not try to break free of the acceptable norms.

So, if the description has suitably interested you, please make it a point to visit. Women alone shall be entertained. You see, men pollute the sanctity of the place . Introducing the presence of men is too big an attrocity to be inflicted upon the inmates. We believe in some healthy torture here, not in violation of human rights. Men who try to force entry in spite of this shall incur the wrath of the Sene [The Pramod Mutalik one, not the one consisting of primates], which will then beat up random women inmates as punishment.

And, yes, in case you can not locate it in spite of the excellent description , the place is also named as LK - Ladies hostel, Kritika block.

Hurdles

2009-01-17T08:50:00.004+05:30

Finally got my scooty repaired and drove it. Went for a long [well, not very] drive on Wednesday to meet Jowairia. Had not driven or sat pillion post my accident and parents were apprehensive. I was confident I would not have problems driving, yet, there was some irrational fear.

It was comfortable. It felt, as always, that the scooty and I were one. And we went sailing over the roads to Jayanagar and back. :)

While it is joyous to achieve something new, it is a greater pleasure to overcome a hurdle in your mind, get over the past, exorcise your demons, conquer your fears and emerge victor. :)

Back from Heaven

2008-12-29T09:31:00.003+05:30

Heaven!!! That was what I thought of Kundapur, my granny's home, when I was a kid. Every year, religiously, the 2 months of summer holidays were spent there. It was paradise for us. Going from my home at Bangalore, where our every action was monitored and we were forbidden from any kind of play that might be slightly injury prone; to kundapur, with the huge house and huger garden, where no one gave a damn about how many times you fell and scraped your knee; it indeed seemed like we had escaped into a heavenly place.

We were put to work but, like the Tom Sawyer story, it seemed like play to us. We had to carry mangoes, coconuts and jackfruits plucked by the workers and take them up to the house, in big baskets. At the end of the day, we got to eat as many mangoes as we wanted, and, this gave new meaning to the phrase "Sweet fruits of labour " :) . Any function at home meant that we would have to make packets of sweets to be distributed.

Afternoons were spent lazing on the room on the roof, that we called MaaLi, playing on the big swing, listening to hundreds of tapes on a squeaky old tape recorder, singing at the top of our voices, dancing, waking up the Adults below!

Then, evenings consisted of trips to the beach, which would generally be followed by a masala dosa and a gudbud, or a trip to the river followed by Annayya's wonderful charmburya upkari, or a walk around the town, or a visit to relatives' homes at Udupi. We really did not mind where we went as long as we had the company of our cousins.

Then, we grew up. Took up different couses of study, different careers. It became impossible for all to come to Kundapur at the same time. Some got married and it got tougher for them. We made new friends, had new responsibilities and we slowly drifted apart.

Last week, under the pretext of Sume's marriage, we all ended up at K'pur together and it was just like the olden days. Made packets of sweets, lazed about, paid the customary visit to Annayya's , ate countless upkaris, had banana leaf meals jointly, with all uncles and aunts, volunteered for serving, went down to the garden, walked among the trees- our old friends, looked at frogs in the tank, threw stones at them, worried ourselves to death when one frog did not resurface upon getting hit, let out whoops of joy when he emerged a few moments later, unhazed by the assault; cracked silly jokes, laughed our heads off at things that do not seem funny when narrated later, imitated elders, bossed over younger siblings, fussed over our clothes, strutted about in the function, ate excellent home made food... In short, enjoyed bliss.

It was a trip down the memory lane. A refreshing time, a time for bonding with cousins, for remembering all the good times we had had, a time for destressing the body and detoxing the soul. Feeling rejuvenated and at least a decade younger. The best age reversal treatment is to just become a kid again!

Eyes are the window to the soul.

2008-12-08T21:03:00.003+05:30

Was listening to this song and dreaming that it was dedicated to me. :)) If anything, I love my eyes. Proud of them, the windows to my soul.

Baby talk

2008-11-07T21:57:00.008+05:30

OCTOBER BABY

Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Unpredictable.

Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND sexiest of them all.

Got this from MayaM in a forward today. The pic doesn't look like me, and, also, all they say doesn't match me... But, the last line.. that's me! Says it all in a line :D [modesty thy name is Moi :D]

P.S. What it says about November borns is very interesting too :) People whose birthdays are coming up soon should read the mail :)

The Prodigal Son

2008-11-02T07:34:00.007+05:30

It was meet that we should make merry, and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found. - Luke 15:32

He was her favourite child. Though she had two daughters, this son was the apple of her eye. He was forever wayward. Always out to seek women and adventure, coming home occasionally. But whenever he did come home, she would forgive all his mistakes, probably give him a gentle chiding, and shower him with love and care.

He had been gone a long while, this time around. She awaited his arrival daily, looking towards the door at every smallest sound. She remembered him at all meal times, eyes misting over. She wondered wherever that he was, whether he was eating well. Her daughters and husband told her that this time he might not come back. She refused to believe them. But, as the days passed, unwillingly, she had to accept it. Maybe he wouldn't return this time. Maybe he had found some other place to stay... or maybe he had.... She shuddered at the latter thought and hoped he was safe wherever he was. Slowly, she stopped anticipating his return. When one day, suddenly.... "Meow! Meow! Meow!" Her face broke into a million dollar smile, as she ran to open the door. The Prodigal son had returned!! :)

Lead Kindly Light

2008-10-27T21:10:00.002+05:30

Today is Diwali. The festival of lights. The day light dispels all gloom and brightens the path ahead.

And, the path is beautiful . It has its ups and its downs, but, it also has you as my co-traveller.

And, today, a lamp was lit that shone some light on this path. What a beautiful diwali indeed.

Run maadi Run :)

2008-10-02T22:16:00.007+05:30

Been running since today morn. Woke up late, left home late and ran to the bus stop. Sat, BP rising, as the bus slowly crawled through Eid celebrations at Chamrajpet. Ran to catch bus to Malleshwaram at Majestic. Cursed when bus stopped at main gate rather than the ATM gate. Ran to class, and, was still 5 min late. Hurried to finish last problem in the assignment, during RV's class. Got Gaya3's message about the movie, and, rushed to ATM gate soon after class. Ran around for an auto to Sigma mall. Sat in the auto, BP rising, as the auto crawled through the traffic [looked like the whole world and it's aunt were on the streets today!]. Ran to get tickets at Sigma. Luckily, today was one of those rare occasions where the queue I was in was the one that moved quicker! Then, ran through the mall to the movie halls. Must say, Sigma is one of the worst constructions ever. No direct lifts and escalators and steps so positioned that one has to literally take a pradakshina around each floor to reach the stairs to the next level! Finally, made it in on time - even for the trailers!! :)

Got home, and thought it was the end of running for the day. Now, my nose has started running. Bah!!!

Pages from my old diary

2008-09-29T09:25:00.004+05:30

"A man who keeps a diary pays, due toll to many tedious days; But life becomes eventful --then, his busy hand forgets the pen. Most books, indeed, are records less of fullness than of emptiness." - William Allingham

Went through my old diary today. Pages and pages of my heart poured out. Foolish but touching emotions of a girl crazily in love. It was as though, through my diary, I was trying to make up for all the conversations we never had. Pages of ache and longing, and euphoria on those few days on which you gave signs that made me feel special [or so I thought].

Now, it all seems ancient.

I read each word on each page - I owed it to myself to do so - before I tore it up. Not because I have moved on or because it is symbolic of getting over you. Or because the man in my life now asked me to do so - he's mature enough to be beyond these requests. It's because they hold no meaning for me anymore. When there are no more emotions - love, longing, pain or anger, it makes no sense to preserve the relics. It's time to declutter - my bookshelf. My mind is already clean.

Funny how I haven't written a diary since the last year. Maybe it's just that my life is full now - as I always wished it to be.

Protected !!

2008-09-25T14:41:00.003+05:30

Ever felt so loved that it was like a blanket over you, an impenetrable cocoon of goodwill which shields you from harm??

Had an accident on Saturday night. Was riding pillion on the scooty, fell off. Had a head injury, lost consciousness for a while. Needed suturing. But, no internal bleeding, no concussions, no fractures. Escaped with minor injuries, as in all previous accidents.

People say "Touch wood! You have been incredible lucky" . I say "I am loved".

10, 9, 8, 7,...........

2008-09-11T23:09:00.001+05:30

The countdown has begun.. less than 168 hours to go!! Excitement mounts!! :)

Only the wearer knows....

2008-09-08T22:16:00.003+05:30

"Life is full of unexpected events", as Prof. Swati puts it. My life has also been having its share of unexpected happenings recently.

To begin with, got rejected at the Rhythmica auditions. As Amma correctly, and, irritatingly so, put it , I haven't really been practising much over the last three years, so, surely my singing has deteriorated. But, used to giving exams unprepared and, luckily, doing well at them, I had developed an exhalted self image, and, the rejection just burst the ego balloon. My first reaction was - "I made a fool of myself. I'm not going back there, ever." Over time, the feeling changed to -"I'm going to practise real hard, go back there at the next auditions and show them what a good singer they rejected." Now, once the wounded pride stopped smarting and ground state was reached, the feeling is -" will try and practise whenever I can, and, give the auditions a shot next time round as well." If nothing, I should at least have perseverence, esp. given that I'm embarking on a PhD :D

Now for something of more immediate consequence. Taklu, at the hostel office seems to have developed an utter dislike towards me. After school, I can safely say this is the first time it's happened. Somehow, I never have had problems in communicating with non-academic staff, auto drivers, shopkeepers etc. Even at Bombay, where I couldn't speak Marathi, I always was greeted with a smile by them. I make it a point to be polite and say "please" and "thank you" and, greet them with a smile. And, generally, everyone reciprocates it. There have been flower sellers and fruit vendors, who, even in the first time I met them, have told me "agli baar paise dena" when we both couldn't find the required change; Canteen wallas who agreed to whip up a coffee and maggi even after the canteen was officially closed; dhobis who agreed to press clothes in urgency when needed, cleaning ladies reguarly talk to me, ask me if I have had lunch etc; Paani puri walas who tell me their woes about police who demand hafta and so on and so forth.

As a stark contrast to this, Taklu seems to hate the sight of pauvre moi. Even when I try to talk to him politely, he's painfully rude and extremely unhelpful. As a result, I've ended up getting a lousy room at IISc and he's unwilling to help me change. Because of which, I'm commuting daily.

And, this commuting is draining me out. Got caught in the pouring rains today. Our Bangalore roads are like golf courses, filled with pits, dunes and holes, all of which get covered by an uniform layer of drainage water when it pours. And, this always brings in tow the most horrendous traffic jams of Bangalore.

It was one such day today. Left IISc at 630 today and reached at 8 pm. Took 1.5 hrs for what usually takes 30 to 40 min. And, also got drenched and waded through sewage water. Kept myself amused in the traffic jam by coming up with innovative gaaliyan for Taklu and creative ideas to crack open his head :P. On a more serious note, the lack of interest and apathy shown towards my situation by several of the people in power, left me shaken up. I kept feeling that these people have the authority to help me but are completely disinterested and unconcerned. Why can't they empathise with me and help me out? But, it's only the wearer who knows where the shoe bites. Until and unless it strikes close to home, people can only sympathise, if they choose to. To empathise, they have to know how it feels to go through it. And, in several cases, as long as we are not directly affected by something, we cannot fathom the gravity of the problem.

Today, while shivering in the rain, I thought of the Bihar flood vicitms. I got drenched for only a short while, in spite of that I was shivering. I came home, took a hot water bath, wore warm clothes, ate hot food that amma cooked, and slept in a cozy bed with a nice thick quilt. While, those poor souls have lost everything to the floods and have become destitute. They, too, must be resenting the apathy shown by the rest of the country. Though funds might be collected, nothing can give back the people what they've lost, nor will the Govt take suitable measure to ensure it will not repeat. Coz, the Govt cannot empathise, not until it stands in the victims' shoes and sees how it feels.

writer's blog(k) :)

2008-09-07T15:51:00.004+05:30

I read your blog now. Wondered why, in spite of meaning to blog since several days, I could never bring myself to do it. Though I opened the web page to a new post several times, I found myself at a loss for words. And, me being at a loss for words is really weird !! :) Why was I just not feeling the need or the urge to blog?

And, why do I blog? Sometimes, it is to brag, to display my writing 'prowess' ; sometimes, it is a way to make my voice heard, to give my say about major happenings around me; sometimes, it is just to satisfy an urge write, which , at times, becomes a compulsion, where each event is gauged by it's blog-ability :)

Sometimes, it is a diary, an account of my day-to-day happenings, a witness to my life. As Susan Sarandon's character in "Shall we dance?" says - "We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'."

Now, you are my living witness, my live blog and, the urge to have an electronic one has greatly gone down.

P.S. Have taken the title from the blog of an IIM-A prof. :) The title was too beautiful to let go of :)

Anniversary!! :D

2008-07-30T09:15:00.003+05:30

Yups! Today, it's One whole year since I joined IISc !!What a whirlwind year this has been, at the end of which my life has taken an entirely different course from the one I was trying to propel it on, about this time last year! And, I'm not complaining at all! Professionally and personally, I am much more happy than I could have ever imagined. Joining IISc for a PhD now. Atleast 5 more years to go. Hoping to have a good time. Registration is tomorrow.... Wow! I'm on my way to earn a Doctorate! Feels great! :)

How do you measure the height of Mt. Everest??

2008-07-14T18:12:00.002+05:30

"How do you measure the height of Mt. Everest??", they asked me. Confidently, I set about telling them that i would use trignometry, get the angle of elevation, the distance of my view pt from the base of the mountain, and, thus, get the height. They weren't satisfied. I told them, you can measure the boiling pt ofwater, or the value of 'g', or the atmospheric pressure at the peak and, since you know how these quantities vary with height, and their values at sea level, you can get the height. But, they were not pleased. Then, they asked me if I had heard of the sextant. I said no. Then, they asked me if I could estimate the boiling point of water on top of the Everest. I told them I donot know the expression for how it varies with altitude. They asked me if I could make a rough estimate - " 30, 40, 60, 99...? What would it be?" I said - "70 - 80?? probably, 70??" The questioner looked at me and said -" Not bad. It is wrong, but not very wrong. It is important for a scientist to be able to estimate. Esp; in the kind of field you have chosen."

I came home, looked it up on the net. I guess I can start investing in the stock market now :D

P.S. While discussing with NiNa, I also estimated the boiling pt of water at Bangalore to be 95deg C and, found out it was 94.6 :D

Loss......

2008-06-23T17:50:00.004+05:30

Today it's one year since he's gone. One whirlwind year, in which so much has happened... but, when I think of it, it feels just like yesterday that he was with us.

So much has happened last year, which would have pleased him tremendously. He would have been so proud of Akka's US trip and my Zurich trip. He would have relished the 'foreign chocolates' that we brought home. He would have earnestly prayed for the umpteen exams I took last year, and, would have been "extremely happy" at the results of some of them. He would also have been very happy that I decided to stay in India. He would have loved to meet NiNa, would have enjoyed his company, esp. his humour. He would have loved to see akka's completed home. He would have extended his love for all animals to our latest entry, Sona. He would have, as usual, asked us to photograph the brahma kamalas that bloomed this year.

The last year has been one filled with achievements and accomplishments for me. Yet, there is something lacking. An absence that cannot be filled by any human or super human effort. Maybe this is what "loss" means.

Nostalgia...

2008-06-10T11:26:00.005+05:30

The pictures speak for themselves....... Beautiful memories, rushing back, esp. when IISc interview is hours away :P

Schindler's list

2008-06-09T08:13:00.002+05:30

Saw Schindler's list finally yesterday. Wonderful movie. Sensitively shot, most scenes without dialogs have a greater impact on you than the lines that are spoken. And, surprisingly, Schindler is not shown to be a Saviour. His character isn't glamorized. He is shown to be an opportunistic German, who has no qualms about using the war to get cheap Jewish labour and make profits. And, the war makes an unexpected hero out of him. Superb acting by Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes. Do watch, but I warn you, quite a disturbing movie!

Rough waters

2008-06-08T09:38:00.004+05:30

Life has been smooth sailing over the last few months. Each new venture has paid off. Things have worked out much beyond expectations. Now, the road ahead is kuchha. Bumpy, unpaved. Scary. It's been said that taking the road less traveled makes all the difference. This is an untraveled road. Hopefully it will make a positive difference.

Redemption :)

2008-05-20T08:47:00.002+05:30

Got admission to NCBS. :) Interviews went well. In fact, felt much less nervous than I thought I would be. Realised the brand value that IIT has. Also, realised that my 2 yrs at IIT have opened my mind, which the Bangalore University tried hard to clog with useless factual stuff. I can actually reason, analyse and solve unfamiliar problems now - even attempt basic math stuff without the fear that I used to have earlier. Can even bullshit with great aplomb :D Great self-esteem booster :) One should attend interviews once in a while :))

The day of reckoning.

2008-05-13T20:17:00.003+05:30

It is here. The D-day is tomorrow. Feel confident as long as the butterflies in my stomach don't flutter too much. Lack of appetite [when it's me saying this, it is serious :)] , clammy hands, dead weight in my tummy .. NiNa tells me I am normal [1N as he put it :P], that this amount of nervousness is but natural. But I wish it would go away. Someone silence these butterflies. Would rather have the bread-and-butterflies they talk about in 'Through the looking glass.' Guess Alice didn't have any nbd while facing the panel of cards. :P

Survival of the fittest

2008-05-10T09:56:00.004+05:30

Nature isn't the benevolent loving motherly figure that it is made out to be. Nature is harsh, ever changing and never predictable. It keeps throwing challenges at the creatures who inhabit it. So, there is a constant struggle for existence. Only the fittest survive. By the fittest, I do not refer to the one with the most potential or the one with superiority. Dinosaurs were big, superior and powerful. But, they were wiped out. Roaches and bugs survived - through millions of years. By their sheer ability to adapt.

Adapt. That is the key word. The ability to adjust to Change that is constantly occurring in Nature. And, this theory of Darwin isn't limited only to classical Evolution as it is studied. It applies to us, to our everyday lives as well.

More often than not, it so happens that things do not go according to our plans. Murphy rules and all that could possibly go wrong, will. In this kind of a 'race' which is unfair, where some are having it easy only because they haven't had obstacles in their path; it is but natural that the guy doing the hurdles race gets disheartened. But, in this kind of a hostile environment, the true survivor is the one who can adapt to this situation the soonest. Who can take in his stride the situation he is in and try to make the most of it. Who can control his mind and not brood over what went by but focus on what lies ahead.

And, as Martina Navratilova said, "The moment of success is too brief to live for it and it alone". Life is long and, in the long run, it always evens out.

I know this might be a little preachy, and, is surely easier said than done, but I have my reasons for putting it up.

The dance of democracy.

2008-05-10T09:32:00.007+05:30

Voted in the Karnataka assembly elections. Voted for the least crooked among crooks :) Not that it would make a huge difference, or that that my vote would tip the scales, but, this is my contribution to the remnants of democracy operating in this country. As Helen Keller said -

"I am only one, but still I am One.
I can't do everything, but still , I can do Something,
And, I will not refuse to do the something that I can."

Must say the indelible ink mark looks a lot like the SDS PAGE staining soln. Must see if I can remove it with destain. :) Ah! The inquisitive mind of a scientist :D

Summer snapshots.

2008-05-09T11:15:00.010+05:30

Summer. A week filled with exams, the last day the toughest to get through, then - FREEDOM!!! Bags packed, a night's journey by bus - with ghat sections that looked menacing at nights; filled with snakes waiting to jump on to the bus from the trees and slither down through my window [I firmly believed they would till I was nearly 12 :)] ; and, then, Heaven!!! Long idyllic days spent with cousins; playing, fighting, driving imaginary buses to the tunes of songs from the latest Bollywood flick on the swing in the maaLi [room in the roof], mangoes, jackfruits, beaches, charmbura upkari, local colas and orange drinks, weddings, munjis, a trip to Udipi and Uppoond, both taken up with enthusiasm proportional to the size of the crowd that went, a visit to the Krishna math, ensured by the bribe of going to Hotel Diana and eating gudbud , the ice cream from Annayya's, kittens, calves, half-ripe guavas and ice candies for quarter annas; khambada aata, bluff, gaddava; Aanegudde and Hattiangadi - where the temples were only an excuse, Pepsis, sugar cane juice and Erola dolo [still unable to find what it is called in English :)], Kaju fruit, walks of 4 kms in the sun and crazy auto drivers; ghost stories made up during narration, some even enacted; plans of putting up a big show for the Elders and practice for the same - the fact that it never materialized didn't matter. In fact, most things didn't matter. Fights were much less complex and mostly binary, Feelings were more open. Adults were complex creatures from whom we remained, thankfully, aloof. Life was simple and beautiful.

Summer. Taste of first freedom. First time away from home. Hostel life. Room mate. Friends. Fun. Crushes. Disappointments and elations. A decision to move away from home.

Summer. A first hand experience of the 'judaai' that poets form Kaalidasa to Gulzaar and Javed Akhtar pen about. First realizations of the frustrations that my career holds. Heart ache. Confusions.

Summer. Parting - from the place that gave me so much. Pain of realising that the best time of my student life is probably over. That my best friend was going to be miles away and all the late night gappe would have to be only on phone from now on. On the verge of a break up - or, maybe it was already over and I was refusing to believe it. Struggle to readjust to home life. To get accustomed to my family. Illness. Death. Denial. Pain.

Summer. Fresh hope. Uncertainties but a few certainties too. Career decisions. Personal milestones. A search for my priorities and an attempt to decide what I really want. The comfort offered by the cocoon of love of my dear ones. The calm confidence that I can face challenges without collapsing. A silent longing for those good old idyllic summer days, but, the sense of loss of childhood made up for by the realisation that I have grown. Into a person I rather like. The joy now is not because of the ignorance of childhood, but by the mindset of choosing to be positive and happy no matter what Life brings.

Perspective.

2008-05-08T09:25:00.007+05:30

Is it Sunrise or is it Sunset? Dawn and dusk are simultaneous, just geographically separated.
Success is failure packaged differently.
That which is ugly for one may be beautiful for another.
That which is wealth for one might be a pittance for another.
Fat-thin, Rich-poor, Tall-short, Bright-dull - nothing is absolute. Nothing is defined. That which defines it is our point of view.
Life is beautiful when you look at it from a positive perspective.

photo taken by yours truly at the stone quarry near JNC, Jakkur, Bangalore in the May of 2006.

The importance of forgetting

2008-05-06T08:12:00.005+05:30

Read a lovely article in the National Geographic [Nov 2007] on "Memory - How we remember and how we forget" . Contemplating over a very insightful statement from the same. That, our memory is shaped by not what we remember, but what we forget. It is important to be able to forget, so that we archive only those details that are relevant to us. People with astonishingly good memories, cannot prioritize. They cannot heal as well. It is said Time is the best healer, but, while for most people, the memories of the sad incidents dim with time and the pain lessens, for people with remarkable memories, this isn't so. They find themselves remembering all details of the incident - and, even the pain they felt at that time. Most people remember that that incident caused them pain but might not be able to recall and relive the exact extent of pain. This helps to heal. Over the years, the mind glosses over things, stores it's own version of the incident than the actual occurrences themselves. This is important to the moving on process.

Another article in the Times also spoke about how our body is adapted to withstand emotional shocks such as breakups. While we are deeply in Love with a person, we imagine that it would be disastrous if the relation went sour and that we would be devastated at the thought of not having the person in our lives. But, the human body is wonderfully resilient. During a breakup, various defense mechanisms kick in and, subconsciously, we prepare ourselves for overcoming it. The Mind, instead of thinking tender thoughts about that person, now focuses on their draw backs. His / Her little habits which would slightly annoy you earlier start assuming prime importance and generate irritation against that person in your mind. You start wondering about why it is much better that you are without them than with them, and, in a while believe in this fact. So, your sub-conscious aids in the conscious efforts that you would be making to get over your heart break!!

Nice ideas to ponder over :)

Zone of comfort

2008-04-16T16:14:00.005+05:30

Wake up at 8 am, have breaker with parents, then off to Insti. Work in lab. Actually, enjoyable [though I crib about it :D That is just exercise of my rights :D] . Nice friends. Chai, crossword, lunch, gappe - aur inke beech mein thoda kaam. Hang out with NiNa. Then, back home by 9. Watch a kannada serial with parents. A weird way of family bonding. :D Then, dinner with parents, giving them an account of my day. A relaxed life. More like an existence. Very comfortable. It is said, that only when there is discomfort, a need for change arises and this leads to inventions and discovery. No "purpose" or "drive" in this comfortable existence. I know, in a while I would be bugged by this. I would start needing a reason, a cause , look for additional things to do, hate the lack of focus, lament that I am not functioning to my full capacity or tapping my potential. But, right now, that is not the case :D So, while I can, I am loving it :D

The prayer of a fat cat :))

2008-04-15T18:21:00.001+05:30

what women want!

2008-04-06T09:55:00.003+05:30

Isn't it so right?? :D

The problem of choice

2008-04-02T09:01:00.002+05:30

The question is how much choice should a person have? Having no choice and being forced into a decision is bad.. but, having too many choices, all attractive in their own way, but all mutually exclusive, is worse. You end up cursing yourself when things go wrong, as they surely will, after choosing one thing. Blah!

Lost gold.

2008-03-30T20:46:00.006+05:30

March 28th - usually, a time of celebration - cake, greeting cards and masala dosa. I wasn't around for the last two years, and, this year, the birthday boy himself wasn't. I miss him. I miss his unconditional love - the selfless giving, without expecting anything in return. I miss his presence in the home, on his chair, reclining on the sofa, watching the TV with me, eating dinner in his own sloppy way, which would irritate me back then. His silly jokes - I must have inherited my love for PJs from him , his singing, his meal-time stories, his little habits and quirks . I miss his hands - gnarled - and his writing - small and neat, in all those letters he wrote to me while I was in hostel. I miss resting my head on his pot belly and cuddling up to him. I miss him saying "Good night, sleep well, sweet dreams , sweet Chetana" in the sing song ritual that we used to have. I wish I could take back some of the harsh words that I had said to him, and give him one tight hug and tell him I love him. Funny how you sometimes get what you wished for and realise you never wanted it. Funny how you sometimes lose something you have always taken for granted and then, realise how priceless it was. Some losses are just nonrecoverable .

Life is not what it seems!

2008-03-25T20:24:00.004+05:30

The picture explains itself!

The Unis conspire to keep me out !!

2008-03-24T22:59:00.005+05:30

No. applied to - 7
Rejects - 4
Unfortunate miss - many a slip between the mail and the eye - 1

So, 5 down, 2 to go.

I propose, US disposes....

When you are contemplating not to go to the US, the Unis conspire to keep you out :P

[P.S. writing style a` la NiNa :D . A change from the "mush" as the Sid baab puts it :P]

Time to change

2008-03-21T09:39:00.005+05:30

Most people are averse to change - something like the caterpillar in the above picture. I am no exception to this. If things are going smoothly and life is quite comfortable, I find myself dreading the time when status quo will be upset. I prefer to live in my little cocoon, trying to shield myself from change. But, change is inevitable. As Ram would always say, 'The only thing constant in Life is Change". And, change is good. Change - and the need for it - results in inventions, developments and thus, progress. If we extrapolate Darwin's theory to day-to-day life, we see that the Nature is dynamic, forever changing. The changing climate puts a selection pressure on us, living organisms. So, the victors in this struggle for existence are those that can adapt quickly and aptly to the changing environment. So, the ability to at least accept, if not appreciate, change is the key to success. So, it is time to change and start liking Change :)

Well, it is known that Variety is the spice of Life, and, who wouldn't want to spice up their Life?? :)

A perfect 10

2008-03-12T09:33:00.002+05:30

They say a perfect figure is the best way to attract a man's attention. True, those lovely figures always grab your attention, even making me jealous. It is not the long leggy ones I am talking about. These are the 6-digit and 7-digit ones. Don't get swayed by these big numbers, dear. I may not have a perfect figure but, together, we are as close to a perfect 10 as we can get.

Learning to fly

2008-03-11T23:32:00.008+05:30

Our conversation goes along familiar lines - you excited about going out and making it big in the world, me trying to share your enthusiasm, but more concerned about what this will mean to "us". At one point, I tell you - 'I think I am not the person for you. You want to fly in the vast sky and explore. I want to build a nest. At times, I feel I am shackling you, not letting you fly. I hate that.' You ask me if I had heard of Icarus.
'Yeah, wasn't he the one who tried to fly with wings fashioned from wax and feathers?'
'Yes. He flew so high that the sun melted the wings and he fell down to his death. You are the person I need. You will keep my feet firmly grounded".
I have no words left. Somehow, you seem to know the right words to say to me.

A toast to the world's greatest roller coaster ride!

2008-03-09T21:13:00.004+05:30

"Wheeeeee!!!" "Aaaaa....... " How many of us haven't been on a roller coaster ride? The ones where you pay money to get scared out of your wits and undergo premature greying? The sudden rises, rapid falls, sharp bends, the stretches where you are hanging upside down, feeling your colon between your molars, panicking - yet, somewhere, secure in the knowledge that you have a safety harness, that hundreds go on these rides daily and come out safe. But what about the roller coaster ride called Life? The scariest ride, made more scary by the fact that you have no safety harness, that one unfortunate slip could just take you out of the ride forever?

Lot of my dear ones seem to be going through the downs of late. For some, it looks like Murphy has taken over their life and seems to be dictating it. Singles facing companionship blues, people in relations suffering from commitment issues and insecurities, married people spending their precious time in fighting. Add to this some amount of ill health, career worries and old age fears. Sometimes, I echo what Agent Smith said in Matrix Revolutions. -
Why, Mr. Anderson? Why do you do it? Why get up? Why keep fighting? Do you believe you're fighting for something? For more that your survival? Can you tell me what it is? Do you even know? Is it freedom? Or truth? Perhaps peace? Yes? No? Could it be for love? Illusions, Mr. Anderson. Vagaries of perception. The temporary constructs of a feeble human intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose. And all of them as artificial as the Matrix itself, although only a human mind could invent something as insipid as love. You must be able to see it, Mr. Anderson. You must know it by now. You can't win. It's pointless to keep fighting. Why, Mr. Anderson? Why? Why do you persist?"

And, I wonder.. Why do we persist? Why keep trying to get a so-called good life. Struggle through school, college, then jobs? Try to get a good career, then yearn for a partner, then yearn for time, struggle for a work-life balance, keep trying to reach milestones, go through all the frustration for a few snatched moments of happiness? And, my answer is the same as Neo's - "Because we choose to."

But, this logic seems real only when we are on a high. While in the pits, the philosophy doesn't really appeal. During such times, I remember what Vaibhav said once - "I guess the total amount of happiness and sorrow in this world is a constant. So, for someone to be happy, at a given point of time, someone has to be in the dumps." Makes sense, in a weird kind of way.

So, when blue, I just tell myself to hang in there. It is going to be my turn for some happiness soon. Till then, if bugged, just say - "Go die, squishy vegetable!!!"

Biology - a beautiful science!

2008-03-01T23:44:00.003+05:30

NiNa and I have this ever on-going argument about the so-called factual nature of biology. [Well, it is ongoing coz I think he gets his kicks out of seeing me flare up each time he brings up the topic :) But that's another story.] He, once, even committed the sacrilege of comparing biology with social sciences and said that biology did not classify to be called a science.

I feel sorry for people who cannot see the beauty of biology as a science. What can be more fascinating than seeing Life around you and learning more about the same. Classical biology began with this urge to look at, appreciate and then, name and classify all that we see around us in nature. As the means of observation improved, the data collected became enormous and, at times, tedious to learn and memorise in entirety. But, this was a flaw in the manner in which biology was being taught rather than in the science. In fact, some facts are needed. Else, how can a medico recognise useful herbs from similar looking harmful weeds? How can a doctor identify and operate specifically on that one little artery that decides to get clogged? Facts are needed. They are the foundation on which new research is conducted. The problem, thus, is not with facts but with the memorization of the same.

Current research in biology has expanded well beyond the classical realms. While, a non-biologist stops learning biology right at 10th or 12th level, a modern day biologist - be it a biochemist, a molecular biologist or a biophysicist - needs to learn and understand well the basics of maths [statistics, calculus, matrices etc], physics [esp, thermodynamics, spectroscopic and microscopic techniques] as well as chemistry [organic chemistry, rate kinetics, etc] . Biology now applies all of these to biomolecules, and also to whole cells and tries to understand their functioning. While dealing with the regular problems - of collecting data, plotting it, analysing it - the biologists have to take additional care as their samples are living cells, that are affected by minute changes in growth medium and temperature, hence likely to be the cause of error. They should also take care to see their cells should not die. While physicists and chemists study behaviour of gases or molecules in isolation, biologists do the same, but within a complex system such as a living cell, where hundreds of metabolic pathways operate simultaneously, and pathways of uptake, utilisation and degradation of the molecule are many and intertwined, where the variables are several.

In spite of the complex and awe inspiring nature of biology, the "tech" people have a way of looking down upon it. What amazes me is the fact that these people are so blind so as to not see that several great biologists are people who started off as chemists or physicists, who later were exposed to and were taken up by the beautiful science that biology involves and switched fields. The statement that biologists are "muggus" and are people who are poor at science is probably a dictum taught to engineers along with their Math 101. The following cartoon I found at this wonderful site sums it all.

Just replace the girl with a biologist. And, you get the attitude these 'exalted' beings have towards biology. I sometimes feel sorry for these people who lost a chance to look into this wonderful miracle called Life and try and decipher how it works. I pity them and leave them to work with their non living chemicals and machines, in which the most exciting thing would be to find out a new reaction or a new method of solving an equation - which is something the biologist does regularly and more.

Sen-fall

2008-01-23T07:39:00.000+05:30

Humpty Dumpty sat on street Dalal,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
All the economists and all the tradesmen,
Could not put Humpty Dumpty together again!!

Line maaro :)

2008-01-14T20:55:00.000+05:30

Found these cool one-liners on Abhishek's blog so, (without his permission), am reproducing them here. Enjaai maaDi :)

1. "I like being single.I'm always there whn I need me "

2. Work is the curse of the drinking classes. - Oscar Wilde

3. Failure is not the only punishment for laziness; there is also the success of others. - Jules Renard

4. The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking.

5. Men who dont understand women, always fall into two categories....bachelors and husbands!!!!"

6. Laws of Progeny performance:

a. Any child who chatters non-stop at home will adamantly refuse to utter a word when asked to demonstrate for an audience.
b. Any shy, introverted child will choose a crowded public area to loudly demonstrate newly acquired vocabulary.

7. "Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it."

8. Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected

9. Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want, but the realization of how much you already have.

10. When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. - PJ O'Rourke

11. We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true. - Robert Wilensky

12. We make our own fortunes and call them fate.

13. We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?

14. We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?

15. If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either - it's hereditary.

16. Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it

17. When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick

18. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.

19. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.

20. War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left!

21. A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it

22. By the time you understand your dad was right, you already have a son who thinks you are wrong.

23.Everyone has a photographic memory.Some just do not have film

The Land of Dreams

2008-01-13T18:01:00.000+05:30

He speaks of his home, of the place he was born. She loves watching him as he does that, the way his eyes shine, the way his face glows. He tells her, "Come with me. Lets go Home". She hesitates, wondering about how she could manage it, about all the people she's answerable to. He says again, "Come, lets go Home" and, there's something in him which brings out her reckless side. She agrees. Together they fly, over the hills and the plains. She's seen it all before, but, everything takes a new shade as she sees it with him. As they marvel at the wondrous sights he tells her that his home town is more beautiful than all that they are seeing. And, she believes him. Of late, she's learnt to believe and trust again. To Love and let herself be loved.

Up in the skies they are like children. They have left behind the worries of the world below. They laugh, they giggle, they dream, they hope. As they near their destination, he tells her that there are going to be several more such journeys and much more joy ahead waiting for them. And she believes.

Happy New Year!

2008-01-01T23:24:00.000+05:30

2007 went by and 2008 has arrived! :) I remember welcoming 2007 ... party at Bioschool, for which half the junta did not show up, disappointing Hemanshu who had organised the bash! So much has changed in the past year... illness, death, breakups, partings.. by the middle of the year, I was feeling that this was one of those 'bad' years, where things keep going wrong. The kind of year that goes down in our memory for all the wrong reasons. But, in the last couple of months, things have started to look up again. A new Hope has sprung up, the Smile has found reason to return without being forced...Life looks up! And, it is on this upward note that I welcome 2008. Hope the coming year holds joys galore for everyone, challenges to be accepted and won, obstacles that are surmounted, goals that are reached and dreams that are realised. :)

Continuing on the lines of my previous post, here are some lines uttered by one of the wisest animals [whose identity I have, therefore, assumed on this blog :) ] from a favourite book of mine :

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?" - Alice.; "That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cheshire Cat.; "I don't much care where –" said Alice.; "Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat.; "– so long as I get somewhere," Alice added as an explanation.; "Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."
- Lewis Carroll [Alice in Wonderland].

Crossroads

2007-12-24T09:06:00.000+05:30

She stands at the fork in the road. She has no road map in hand. There are no signs directing her, no co-travelers to help her along. She is all alone. And in a dilemma. Which road to choose? Both are one ways. Once a road is chosen, she cannot back track. Both look equally good or equally bad. Dimly lit. She cannot see what lies ahead.

She pauses, hesitates. Something tells her these paths are mutually exclusive. What lies on one path can't be found on the other. She would rather remain at that point than choose either of the two paths that lie ahead of her and lose all that lies on the other path, but her time is running out. She must make a decision soon.

She's scared to make that one decision which might significantly alter the course of her journey ahead. She wishes she were a child again, when parents - who always hoped for her best- would take the important decisions for her and she would obediently follow them. 'It's easy when others take your decisions for you - that way you have someone other than yourself to blame when things go wrong", she thinks, with a wry smile. But, deep down, she knows that she would rather be the one who decides, that she is grown up now, and, must decide for herself and , while basking in the joy of good decisions, must also take the brunt of the wrong ones.

She hears voices in her head, asking her to think carefully, to go on the path leading to what she really wants. She decides to introspect. To realise what she really wants, what her heart desires the most - at the moment. True, the desires are always changeable, and at a later date, she might want the very thing that she gave up. But, that is a risk she has to take. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence and there would surely be moments when she would curse herself for not having gone on the other path. But it would happen no matter which path she chose. No one can peep into the future and see which of the paths lead to a happy end. But, happiness is always a state of mind, and, she decided not to look back once her decision was made and, come what may, find her happiness in her decision.

" Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both

Two roads diverged in a wood
And I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference" [Robert Frost, "The road less traveled"]

I'd rather have you with me......

2007-12-16T08:35:00.000+05:30

My friend had once told me about this poem he read. I have tried since then, to get that poem online - but the effort's been futile [esp. as I know neither the title of the poem, nor the name of the poet :D] . I do not remember the lines exactly, but I remember the essence, and, it goes something like -
"Why is it, that when you are with me, I find myself unable to write anything,
but, when you are away, I fill pages and pages with writings of Love and Longing?

I'd rather have you with me and have my pages empty ."

One can easily agree with me when I say I echo this.

I remember, I remember.......

2007-12-02T22:16:00.000+05:30

I Remember, I Remember

I remember, I remember
The house where I was born,
The little window where the sun
Came peeping in at morn;
He never came a wink too soon
Nor brought too long a day;
But now, I often wish the night
Had borne my breath away.

I remember, I remember
The roses red and white,
The violets and the lily cups--
Those flowers made of light!
The lilacs where the robin built,
And where my brother set
The laburnum on his birthday,--
The tree is living yet!

I remember, I remember
Where I was used to swing,
And thought the air must rush as fresh
To swallows on the wing;
My spirit flew in feathers then
That is so heavy now,
The summer pools could hardly cool
The fever on my brow.

I remember, I remember
The fir-trees dark and high;
I used to think their slender tops
Were close against the sky:
It was a childish ignorance,
But now 'tis little joy
To know I'm farther off from Heaven
Than when I was a boy.

Thomas Hood

Read a lovely article by Vanita Dawra Nangia in the Times today. [The O-zone column]. She reminisces about her childhood days, remembering incidents from school days and how things that had affected her deeply back then seem trivial now. That images crumble and things diminish with time. She makes a lovely statement - "Childhood magnifies everything. Even buildings take on bigger dimensions than in reality. I remembered the school building to be much bigger than what I actually found it to be"

Experienced this when i went to Kundapur for Ganapati this year. Kundapur was a haven for us kids. A childhood paradise. Well, at some point all of us non-kundapur-ites have wished to have been living there. As kids, a huge one acre land - filled with mango and jackfruit trees, a rambling house, filled with wondrous nooks and corners to be explored, a lovely 'maaLi' of our own, with the huge swing, the river in walking distance, the sea at an hour's drive - was heaven on earth. The days spent idling away in the 'hittal' under the trees, by the lake; plucking mangoes and guavas; on the swing, swinging away with as much force as our little legs had, to the latest hit hindi songs playing on the tape recorder; trips planned by adults to Udipi or Mangalore, always with some 8 -9 kids in tow, ending with a Gudbud and Masala dosa at Paarijaata; the regular deliveries of 'Charmbura upkari' [Bhel] and Homemade ice cream from Annayya's little stall; the ice-candies bought at 25 p ; the countless games of cards, khambada aata and tons of other make-believe games; fights and patch-ups - Summer holidays at Kundapur used to be the highlight of each year. The house seemed huge, the town - confusing to navigate, the town temple - impressive, Kundeshwar seemed too far to walk, Mamamma was the omnipotent, strong matriarch, and Kundapur - the perfect heaven, resistant to change, resistant to adulteration, pristine and pure.

Went to Kundapur after an year - or was it two? - for Ganapati festival. This time, surprisingly, it felt as though I was looking at it anew. The house was not the gigantic place that existed in my memory, the doors [Hebbagila] didn't seem as impressive, the land - not as rambling as before, the swing - more compact, the town - much smaller, and, sadly, less populated; the town temple seemed like a small shrine. It was greatly unsettling. I couldn't relate this place to the memories I had of it. The town was the same - at least, in size and layout. Yet it seemed different. What made it so was the change in perspective. The Child had gone. It was an Adult now, trying to find the paradise of her childhood in the place that it now is. But an adult can never find the world as marvelous as a child does. An adult has seen the reality and found it to be harsh. The adult finds it impossible to shy away from the truth - that the town is changing; the shops selling home-made ice cream are no more; that Mamamma has aged and is growing weaker and, might not be around one day; that all fights can not end with a "forgive and forget"; that no matter how hard we swing, it is sometimes impossible to touch the sky; that the idyllic times of childhood are never going to return; that life is about earning enough, making a career, finding leave, short vacations, long and hectic work days, deadlines and appraisals, difficult choices, break ups and heart aches, adjustments, compromises, illnesses, responsibilities, separations and death. That people we idolized as kids have their own fair share of faults, and those whom we hated were not demons. In fact, there is no black and white, just gray; varying shades of it.

Yet, the adult finds respite in those brief lapses into childhood - where the mind, for a moment, forgets all that it's "learnt" and becomes innocent again and travels into a non-adult world. A world where Dreams are dreamt and they do come true, where situations are binary - yes/no, like/don't like, 1/0 - and not complex. The adult-turned-child then laughs, dreams, believes - and finds hope that life isn't meaningless after all. That no matter how dreary things might seem, Life is beautiful enough to Live - and to Live it whole-heartedly! The swings are still there, one just needs to believe that one can touch the sky - and, who knows, one fine day, it just might happen!!

Lucky, very lucky

2007-11-25T13:07:00.000+05:30

There have been times when I used to crib about my luck, that exams would always have questions from the chapters I hadn't studied, that I would always get the toughest expts in practical exams, that Murphy would rule supreme, so on and so forth. But now no more. After my miraculous escape yesterday and the incredible luck that I had, I dont think I shall ever make a sound about being "unlucky". Ok, I get it that I am not making sense, so, let me tell the story from the start.

Woke up with a bad cold yesterday. It being saturday, it was lab meeting day. But since I wasn't presenting, it was enough if I reached by 2:30 PM. Left home by 1:45. Should reach comfortably, I thought, especially since there isn't much traffic in the afternoons. The 12 km ride to IISc started off as usual, nothing new, some guys cutting you across, you cutting off some others, some signals, the usual roads, nothing different. Then, after crossing Majestic, on the sloping road, in the shadow of the overhead railway tracks, lay the Hole. The Pothole to put all other Potholes to shame. A small, 6 - 8 inch deep, innocuous looking thing. It was so placed that I could see it only when I was nearly over it. And I could not swerve fast enough to avoid it. In went the scooty and the front wheel got jammed in it. The scooty catapulted, throwing me on to the road. Then, the vehicle fell on to my body and rolled over me to the other side. I remember weird thoughts running through my head - "shit! Just bought a new mobile, might get damaged in the fall", " how damaged is the vehicle?", "Am I holding up the traffic?", "Will get late going to campus today" etc etc. A motorcyclist stopped and helped me get up, a maruti alto stopped a few metres away and the driver got out and rushed. As I got up I figured out I was fine, just a few scratches and nothing more, remember thinking that it was really good that I always wore a helmet. Then, when people tried to move the scooty they realised that the front wheel fork bend had got bent, and the front wheel was jammed and not moving. The motorcyclist and the car driver together tried kicking the wheel and trying to get it move. Though I wondered once if they would cause more harm than good, I decided to just leave the matter to people with more idea about vehicles.

Called the Bean. Said he'd turn up there. By then, the people helping me had flagged down a luggage auto and had haggled over the price with him. He agreed for 80 rs to take it to the nearest garage. These guys then lifted the scooty into the auto and the motor bike wala ofered to follow the auto and drop me off at the garage. Off we went to a garage near Nataraj theatre. Prakash, the motor cycle guy, asked me if I had money to pay the auto, else he could do that and also waited till the garage guys diagnosed the problem. He told me that he worked for marketing for SBI credit cards. When I thanked him for helping, his only reply was "If I had had an accident, someone else would have helped. It is ok" I was really touched.

The garage workers told me that the shaft had broken, had to be welded, also, it had been bent and had to be straightened. Also, some mis alignment had happened and had to be set right. Trivial.

The real impact of the accident hit me when Prakash said, "The scooty can be repaired but thank God, you are alright. The manner in which you fell made me feel that you might have broken your backbone or your hip." True. The possibilities are frightening - brain damage, neck fracture, spinal damage, hip fracture - any of these could have made me paraplegic, or even a vegetable. A state worse to death. Scares me to the core to think of it. Don't know if it is God's grace, or the protective cocoon of Love that envelopes me, or sheer luck that I came out safe and unscathed.

Have never before felt this thankful to be Alive. Or, as the Bean put it, Alive and Kicking. In the literal sense of the phrase.

The dog-ma of life :)

2007-10-31T11:16:00.000+05:30

Got this extremely beautiful forward from Mayam which I'm reproducing here :~)

Life is simple. It is us HUMANS that make it hard.

If a dog was the teacher, you would learn stuff like:

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

When it's in your best interest, practice obedience

Let others know when they've invaded your territory.

Take naps.

Stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout..! run right back and make friends.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.

Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

Emotional quotient :)

2007-10-29T07:58:00.000+05:30

Your EQ is 133

50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick!

51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese.

71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely.

91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that.

111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt.

131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin.

150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

Gave the EQ test - turns out I am remarkable at relating to others :D Or so they say! What do you have to say about this???

No matter how tough you are, Life'll beat you to your knees and keep it there permanently if you let it.

2007-10-26T22:16:00.000+05:30

Found these lines on an acquaintance's blog. loved them. Guess we can learn a thing or two from them :

This extract is from the conversation between Rocky Balboa and his son in the sixth episode of the Rocky series. Rocky's son blames him for all the high expectations he faces from the world because his father is "Rocky Balboa". And then Rocky explains him his philosophy of life.

The world ain't all sunshines and rainbows.
It's a very mean and nasty place... and I don't care how tough you are, it'll beat you to your knees and keep it there permanently if you let it.
You, me and nobody is gonna hit as hard as life.
But it ain't about how hard you hit.
It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward...
How much you can take and keep moving forward.
That's how winning is done.
Now if you know what you are worth, go out and get what you are worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits.

Loved these lines. Life isn't fair. Hoping that it will be is idealism - read as "Foolishness". But Life can be beautiful. We have it in us to make it so. There is a saying in Sanskrit which says "Fall like the ball - that bounces back after falling ; Not like the ball of mud, which falls and stays there."

They say "Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal". But I say - One should be aware - of what obstacles one might face while attempting any task. While Optimism is necessary, a baseless optimism can spell doom. We need to find out possible road blocks - and know which are the ones that can be surmounted and which are the ones for which we need to devise an alternative path. I can see that there would certainly be unseen obstacles, but, he, sure, is foolish who would remain willfully blind to the seen ones. And, in spite of the thorns you see on a path, if you feel it is worth taking, then, do take that road and '..it'll make all the difference' .

Life, Universe and everything

2007-10-26T07:06:00.000+05:30

The Sun shines bright and sunny.
God is in His heaven and all is right in the world.
Storm clouds gather in the horizon.
Gloom descends.
Murphy rules.
Hopes shatter.
Wake up from dreams to the harsh reality.
Embittered.
Cynical.
Once bitten, twice shy.
Lesson well learnt - or so you think.
Time heals wounds - better than any band aid. But scars remain.
Spring arrives.
Wary.
Hesitant.
Unsettled.
Uncertain.
Taken the plunge. Sinking feeling. You have to let go to be able to float.
Chains break, walls crack.
A ray of sunshine penetrates clouds.
The Moon smiles.
Laughter.
The ice melts.
Buoyant.
Fresh sprouts.
Joy.
The Sun shines bright and sunny.
God is in His heaven and all is right in the world.

The eternal dilemma

2007-10-14T22:21:00.000+05:30

Career v/s Family. Professional life v/s personal life. The head v/s the heart. This is an unending battle. And one for which I don't have any answer. I ask people. Friends, family, profs. Everyone has their own answer. True to the saying "Grass is greener on the other side of the fence", several people suggest a course of action opposed to the one they took when faced with the similar dilemma. "Don't compromise on your career, you'll regret it later", "Career may be important, but doesn't mean you neglect family life", "This is the time you build your career. Parents will come around eventually", "Parents are the only people who stick with you till the end. Don't disappoint them", "True Love is hard to find. Don't let go of it", "Don't compromise too much for Love. If it doesn't work, you'll regret giving up so much for it. You'll feel cheated". The views are varied and generally take extreme stands.

Read this amazingly good book called "Tuesdays with Morrie" recently. One of the best books I read of late and, must say, one that had significant influence on me. Made me realize that career is not my entire life. It's just a part of it. There's more to my life than my career. Chasing a career by compromising on everything else will also leave me empty. The right thing to do is to strike a balance. A few compromises on the career front, a few on the personal - to lead a well balanced life :D But sadly not everything in life is a balanced equation.

Sometimes you come to a fork in the road. To choose one road - and one alone - is a must. What if both the roads are equally attractive at the first glance? Choosing one means you sure give up on the other. Maybe forever. Difficult decision. Very difficult decision. In such situations, I remember what two of my best friends told me - Prati and Rashmi.

Prati said - It's all about priority. There's nothing 'right', nothing 'wrong'. Everything might seem attractive. But what You want the most, at that point, is what matters.

Rashmi said the same, in slightly different words. She said - What will most likely happen is that you'll make an instantaneous decision when you come to your bridges. And that's not bad at all. Just don't look back, if you can. Treasure the past, but accept that it will never be the same again and look up, look ahead and make the future the way you want it to be, as of now. Tomorrow you may want something else...sure, why not?! Just be happy, be in the present!

Saw this lovely Vodafone ad today that gives the right perspective of seeing Life -
"The may fly lives for just one day. But does this make him miserable? Not one bit. Coz in those few hours, he crams every moment full of the things he loves. He soars . He swoops. He sails. Maybe there's a lesson in this for us longer living creatures. Just think. If we embrace Life, like the Mayfly, what a life that would be!" Make the most of Now!

That's what I shall do- make the most of Now. Tomorrow is just another day.

Fear

2007-09-30T19:53:00.000+05:30

I have been a brave person, most of the time. Not the kind who's scared of bugs , or pets, or the traffic. This used to make me feel good about myself. I wouldn't have many qualms while walking back alone from lab, at odd hours like 4 am, where there would be loads of dogs but no human souls on the roads at IITB. I haven't been scared of death or illness. Didn't have many aspirations, so, wasn't scared of failure in achieving them. But, of late, as in other matters, I've been realising that I don't know myself as well as I thought I did.

The very first time I felt a completely baseless illogical fear was in swimming class. For the first time, the coach took us to the deep and asked us to jump in. 16ft of water. Not too big a deal. Especially when she's taught us to float and kick. And when she's close by. Buoyancy would take care of everything! But, while everyone showed some kind of hesitation, I was seized by terror. It was baseless. Logic told me I would be fine. My ego told me I should just do it, else I would always feel lousy about it. But, each time I went to the edge of the pool and looked in, I just couldn't jump in. Fear blinded all logic and all sense. A baseless terror. Finally jumped in, holding the instructor's hand, while ladies, 55 -60 yrs old, jumped in bindaas. And, due to some reasons, had to quit class after that day. So never got around to mastering that fear.

Of late, the fear is different. It's a fear of loss - losing people you love - and, it's not just about losing them to Death. It's a fear of the unknown future. Of where life will lead me. Of whether in following my dreams, I am putting too much at stake, whether the loss will be more than the gain. Whether these dreams are really those that I want to pursue. Of Change -that which is inevitable, and not always favourable. Changes in myself and in people I love. Of drifting too far away, and finding that the bridge has been washed away and that I cannot return or reconnect. Of finding out eventually that it was all not worth it. And, these fears are not baseless. Nor are they those that can be faced and put to rest right now. These are not fears that can be driven away by a comforting hug and the mother's whispers of "Hush, it will be alright". It has to be a painful wait, for a few years, only then I shall know what the outcome is. Till then, they can only be pushed away to a corner of the mind, and, the most I can do is not to dwell upon them.

Revival

2007-09-23T10:39:00.000+05:30

Long time, no post. I am turning into a busy bee, not getting time to post, and at times, having no inclination to post :D Currently, down with a whooper of a cold. Does that make me a "cold person" ? :D So, being more brain dead than I normally am, I am using it as an excuse for not thinking originally. Was going through my gmail inbox, emptying it [yes, I have achieved the unacheivable - gmail inbox 92% full, need to empty :)] when I came across this stuff I had written in my second sem at IITB. The initial signs of a chronic blogger. Quite amateurish writing [not that I am a pro now :P] but, thought it still deserved a place on this blog. So, here goes :

OF BLINDERS AND TUNNELS…….

We are born crying. We enter the world with a ready-made list of woes- crying, complaining, whining…. We go through life, as though it were a chore, something to be dealt with and completed soon, so that a cumbersome burden can be put aside. We allot specific time slots for happiness – " I'll be happy when this happens", "I'll be happy when I get that" and so on. Like horses in blinders, concentrate only on achieving this and that, so that we might be happy. In this fixation for arriving at the destination, we forget the journey, forget to enjoy those small moments, to find joy in simple things, to just smile………

Sometimes, the chain is pulled and the train stops. People are forced to look out of the windows – observe- to see what is happening outside this tunnel they have built for themselves. The plodders get a glimpse of what life can really be.. The blinder slips.. The horse, tied down, not by ropes, but in its mind, is now free!!! Free to look around, to enjoy all that surrounds it- to laugh, to cry, to gambol about.. most importantly, to wander away from its "path", to try out new off-beat tracks, to stumble, to fall, to laugh at itself, get up and move along…….

What or who pulls the chain?? May be an incident, may be a person.. or one's own deep-rooted desire to break free…. The walls of the tunnel are cracked and sunlight seeps in, lighting up the faces of the people with rays of hope, hope of salvation from an utterly pointless manner of existence………

Nettled over a kettle !

2007-09-02T19:41:00.000+05:30

I love shopping. And, no, by this I don't mean I spend like hell - though, if I had the money I might have :D - I mean to say, I just like the act of shopping. Need not necessarily be mine, and even window shopping will suffice. But, the feel of a market or a mall makes me happy :) It is, in fact, one of the best ways to cheer up on a low day,where the baggage you pick up at the shop helps shed emotional baggage! :D

So, when Nissim asked shopoholic me to come along to pick up an electric kettle, I jumped at the chance [not literally :P] . And, off we went on my scooty, minus the electric start button [Read MaMu's blog for details!]. So with lots of kicking and pulling eventually, we found ourselves a parking lot in the very crowded Malleshwaram market [which is a true achievement, trust me!]. And, entered this big shop we saw, that boasted of selling household appliances. The deal was that since I knew the local language, I should communicate to the shop wala and bargain, and Nissim's job was to OK or veto the wares that he displayed and to shell out the cash. Now, the shop assigned a salesman exclusively to us and I proceeded to ask him about the kettle.

Me : "Do you have an electric kettle? We don't need a big one, just enough to make a cup of coffee"
Salesman :" Yes of course, here's a lovely little Morphy Richards model, just for 1250 Rs." .
I am shocked. A place near my home offers a similar sized model, non-Morphy Richards for 580.
Me - "Well, that's too much, don't you have something cheaper? For say, 600?"
Salesman : "well, not in small size, you get bigger ones!"
Me , laughing : " Ok. I mentioned small, thinking big ones would cost more. Show me the big ones"
Salesman :" Here's a Bajaj one, 850Rs and the Prestige model, Rs.1050"
Me :" Well, these are too costly too. Anything in 600 range?"
Salesman:" well, would you mind going upto 800? I have this lovely Rice cooker for 795 Rs"
Me, flabbergasted, "Rice cooker! I want a kettle to make coffee, not a cooker"
Salesman: "Oh... you don't want the cooker? OK.. then, would you want a sandwich maker? or a toaster?"

Both Nissim and I are unable to control our laughter anymore. I manage to tell that man (again) that what I want to do is buy something to make coffee in, not just Something for Rs. 600 !! We walk away, Salesman looking very disappointed.

It is said that a great salesman is one who manages to sell ice to an eskimo. This guy was surely trying his best to take the definition to a higher level! Overall, highly entertaining experience!