Redemption :)

Got admission to NCBS. :) Interviews went well. In fact, felt much less nervous than I thought I would be. Realised the brand value that IIT has. Also, realised that my 2 yrs at IIT have opened my mind, which the Bangalore University tried hard to clog with useless factual stuff. I can actually reason, analyse and solve unfamiliar problems now - even attempt basic math stuff without the fear that I used to have earlier. Can even bullshit with great aplomb :D Great self-esteem booster :) One should attend interviews once in a while :))

The day of reckoning.

It is here. The D-day is tomorrow. Feel confident as long as the butterflies in my stomach don't flutter too much. Lack of appetite [when it's me saying this, it is serious :)] , clammy hands, dead weight in my tummy .. NiNa tells me I am normal [1N as he put it :P], that this amount of nervousness is but natural. But I wish it would go away. Someone silence these butterflies. Would rather have the bread-and-butterflies they talk about in 'Through the looking glass.' Guess Alice didn't have any nbd while facing the panel of cards. :P

Survival of the fittest

Nature isn't the benevolent loving motherly figure that it is made out to be. Nature is harsh, ever changing and never predictable. It keeps throwing challenges at the creatures who inhabit it. So, there is a constant struggle for existence. Only the fittest survive. By the fittest, I do not refer to the one with the most potential or the one with superiority. Dinosaurs were big, superior and powerful. But, they were wiped out. Roaches and bugs survived - through millions of years. By their sheer ability to adapt.

Adapt. That is the key word. The ability to adjust to Change that is constantly occurring in Nature. And, this theory of Darwin isn't limited only to classical Evolution as it is studied. It applies to us, to our everyday lives as well.

More often than not, it so happens that things do not go according to our plans. Murphy rules and all that could possibly go wrong, will. In this kind of a 'race' which is unfair, where some are having it easy only because they haven't had obstacles in their path; it is but natural that the guy doing the hurdles race gets disheartened. But, in this kind of a hostile environment, the true survivor is the one who can adapt to this situation the soonest. Who can take in his stride the situation he is in and try to make the most of it. Who can control his mind and not brood over what went by but focus on what lies ahead.

And, as Martina Navratilova said, "The moment of success is too brief to live for it and it alone". Life is long and, in the long run, it always evens out.

I know this might be a little preachy, and, is surely easier said than done, but I have my reasons for putting it up.

The dance of democracy.

Voted in the Karnataka assembly elections. Voted for the least crooked among crooks :) Not that it would make a huge difference, or that that my vote would tip the scales, but, this is my contribution to the remnants of democracy operating in this country. As Helen Keller said -

"I am only one, but still I am One.
I can't do everything, but still , I can do Something,
And, I will not refuse to do the something that I can."

Must say the indelible ink mark looks a lot like the SDS PAGE staining soln. Must see if I can remove it with destain. :) Ah! The inquisitive mind of a scientist :D

Summer snapshots.

Summer. A week filled with exams, the last day the toughest to get through, then - FREEDOM!!! Bags packed, a night's journey by bus - with ghat sections that looked menacing at nights; filled with snakes waiting to jump on to the bus from the trees and slither down through my window [I firmly believed they would till I was nearly 12 :)] ; and, then, Heaven!!! Long idyllic days spent with cousins; playing, fighting, driving imaginary buses to the tunes of songs from the latest Bollywood flick on the swing in the maaLi [room in the roof], mangoes, jackfruits, beaches, charmbura upkari, local colas and orange drinks, weddings, munjis, a trip to Udipi and Uppoond, both taken up with enthusiasm proportional to the size of the crowd that went, a visit to the Krishna math, ensured by the bribe of going to Hotel Diana and eating gudbud , the ice cream from Annayya's, kittens, calves, half-ripe guavas and ice candies for quarter annas; khambada aata, bluff, gaddava; Aanegudde and Hattiangadi - where the temples were only an excuse, Pepsis, sugar cane juice and Erola dolo [still unable to find what it is called in English :)], Kaju fruit, walks of 4 kms in the sun and crazy auto drivers; ghost stories made up during narration, some even enacted; plans of putting up a big show for the Elders and practice for the same - the fact that it never materialized didn't matter. In fact, most things didn't matter. Fights were much less complex and mostly binary, Feelings were more open. Adults were complex creatures from whom we remained, thankfully, aloof. Life was simple and beautiful.

Summer. Taste of first freedom. First time away from home. Hostel life. Room mate. Friends. Fun. Crushes. Disappointments and elations. A decision to move away from home.

Summer. A first hand experience of the 'judaai' that poets form Kaalidasa to Gulzaar and Javed Akhtar pen about. First realizations of the frustrations that my career holds. Heart ache. Confusions.

Summer. Parting - from the place that gave me so much. Pain of realising that the best time of my student life is probably over. That my best friend was going to be miles away and all the late night gappe would have to be only on phone from now on. On the verge of a break up - or, maybe it was already over and I was refusing to believe it. Struggle to readjust to home life. To get accustomed to my family. Illness. Death. Denial. Pain.

Summer. Fresh hope. Uncertainties but a few certainties too. Career decisions. Personal milestones. A search for my priorities and an attempt to decide what I really want. The comfort offered by the cocoon of love of my dear ones. The calm confidence that I can face challenges without collapsing. A silent longing for those good old idyllic summer days, but, the sense of loss of childhood made up for by the realisation that I have grown. Into a person I rather like. The joy now is not because of the ignorance of childhood, but by the mindset of choosing to be positive and happy no matter what Life brings.

Perspective.

Is it Sunrise or is it Sunset? Dawn and dusk are simultaneous, just geographically separated.
Success is failure packaged differently.
That which is ugly for one may be beautiful for another.
That which is wealth for one might be a pittance for another.
Fat-thin, Rich-poor, Tall-short, Bright-dull - nothing is absolute. Nothing is defined. That which defines it is our point of view.
Life is beautiful when you look at it from a positive perspective.

photo taken by yours truly at the stone quarry near JNC, Jakkur, Bangalore in the May of 2006.

The importance of forgetting

Read a lovely article in the National Geographic [Nov 2007] on "Memory - How we remember and how we forget" . Contemplating over a very insightful statement from the same. That, our memory is shaped by not what we remember, but what we forget. It is important to be able to forget, so that we archive only those details that are relevant to us. People with astonishingly good memories, cannot prioritize. They cannot heal as well. It is said Time is the best healer, but, while for most people, the memories of the sad incidents dim with time and the pain lessens, for people with remarkable memories, this isn't so. They find themselves remembering all details of the incident - and, even the pain they felt at that time. Most people remember that that incident caused them pain but might not be able to recall and relive the exact extent of pain. This helps to heal. Over the years, the mind glosses over things, stores it's own version of the incident than the actual occurrences themselves. This is important to the moving on process.

Another article in the Times also spoke about how our body is adapted to withstand emotional shocks such as breakups. While we are deeply in Love with a person, we imagine that it would be disastrous if the relation went sour and that we would be devastated at the thought of not having the person in our lives. But, the human body is wonderfully resilient. During a breakup, various defense mechanisms kick in and, subconsciously, we prepare ourselves for overcoming it. The Mind, instead of thinking tender thoughts about that person, now focuses on their draw backs. His / Her little habits which would slightly annoy you earlier start assuming prime importance and generate irritation against that person in your mind. You start wondering about why it is much better that you are without them than with them, and, in a while believe in this fact. So, your sub-conscious aids in the conscious efforts that you would be making to get over your heart break!!

Nice ideas to ponder over :)