Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Self Doubt....

Was thinking over what Swapna said at the dinner table, a few days ago. Some people have the opinion that praise should not be given on the face, and should be very discreetly done. But, as she said, during periods of self doubt, small little positive things said about you, by people who mater, makes a big difference. To quote her " I am currently feeling like crap. If there's anything good in me, tell me now. I want to hear it. Rather than telling eons later that I did good work on a project, tell me right away!" How true. Could do with some ego boosters currently. For all the times I felt that I was a perpetually chirpy person, and, it would take a lot to make me blue, Grad school is sure trying hard to prove me wrong.

Happened to go through a poster of my Masters work and went back and looked at my Masters PPT... somehow, strangely felt that I had done more work for my MSP than in 1 yr of PhD. Was surely more motivated back then. And, was also testing my potential to the max - course work, projects, French course, ran the dream run, did some work as the MAD secy of my hostel, sang for Swar Sandhya, won the classical music competition (an event that I could never reproduce!), went out with friends quite often, battled a few personal demons, and had a great gang of close friends. Wonder how I did so much back then, while currently, I am not even being able to pursue Yoga along with work. :(

Went to Mumbai for the weekend. Just wish I had accomplished something substantial over the last few weeks, to make me feel the break was well deserved. Been taking a lot of breaks and holidays with family of late. While I do love the time I spend with them, maybe , like what RV told me once, I need to prioritise and get thing moving.

Looks like it is time for a lot of painful but much needed introspection.... ouch.

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