Friday, May 25, 2007

Rain reigns !!

Had been to JNC last week, to just catch up with friends there. It was nice, going back in to the place where I had spent two lovely summers. Though there has been quite a bit of development [there’s a Mall coming up, and a Lakhme beauty salon has opened as well! :)] , there are some things that haven’t changed – and aren’t likely to change in the coming few years for sure! [like the awful bus service, dusty roads, rude auto drivers – who overcharge :D]

The day, which started off so well, left a bitter taste in my mouth as it ended. In the evening, I spoke to a friend from IIT who was feeling terribly depressed due to the fact that he hadn’t cleared any PhD entrances this year. He was feeling so low and he even said that he felt that he had wasted the two years he spent at IIT. I dint know how to console him, and, did the next best thing – just lent him a sympathetic ear. On the way back from JNC, Pearly messaged to tell me that she hadn’t cleared the IISc entrance. It was a replay of the incident of the evening. Again, I was filled with sadness – coz, I knew how important this entrance was to her, how much it meant for her career. And, yet again, I dint know how to console my friend, what alternatives could I suggest for her to look forward to. The possibilities seemed close to nil and I felt helpless, unable to aid her in any manner. Apart from this feeling of helplessness, there was another scary thought slowly creeping into my mind – "what if?" What if , the next year I am in a similar situation ? What if I don’t get an admit from abroad, and at the same time, being out of touch, what if I don’t clear Indian entrances as well? What if I am forced to drop another year? With each lost year, my PhD, and with it, my dream of becoming a prof would slip farther away from me… and, finally, I might have to leave it unfulfilled and settle for something sub-standard. What if such a situation arose? I was filled with apprehension. Insecurities about my future began to plague me and, steadily, I felt more and more miserable.

Returned home in the same gloomy and uncertain mood. Was just sitting about, unable to concentrate and unable to relax, when it began to rain. A gentle drizzle, with no rumbles of thunder to scare one out of one's wits. A gentle, cooling, calming, soothing drizzle. My first rains of this year. I went out and stood in the rain. Greedily gulped in the fresh water. Breathed in the earthy smell that arises from the soil when the first drops of water hit the parched land. Felt the rain run over my body. Felt the coolness of the water droplets hitting my face. Somehow, felt all my worries slipping away with the water, draining away from my mind, leaving me in a state of welcome emptiness. I smiled and drenched some more, enjoying the rain. Enjoying the thoughtlessness and the quiet in my head, after the innumerable thoughts and arguments that had run through it throughout the evening.
Hope blossomed again. I would succeed. There might be obstacles; there may be moments of low. But I would overcome these and I would succeed. In Karnataka, the rain is supposed to be a good omen, a sign of good tidings. It did do me good. It gave me back my belief in myself and showed me the Hope that I had turned my face away from.

6 comments:

Ram said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ram said...

Rains are good and all - granted - but it'll help not to be a little too over-enthusiastic about the getting drenched part. You don't want to catch a cold, d'you? :D

Kidding ... nice post! Reminds me of a childhood poem in Hindi.

Shrek said...

Yawn... cribbing again?? :P

Bastet said...

@Ram
lol! :) Sure, will keep that mind! :) And, ya, thanx!

@Shrek
Well, looks like you missed the essence of the post wholly!! Go thru it again, and, if you are lucky, you might just about get it! :P

Shrek said...

Nopes... you are into crib mode again :P

Bastet said...

@shrek

Well, baab, looks like you need more maturity to get what I am driving at.. or maybe, you havent experienced what I am talking about... let it be! :)