The pleasure and pain of writing

Have been inactive in the blogosphere for months on end now. Months where so much has happened, months that kept calling out to be recorded in detail; so that one may come back and read them to relive those moments, months where I've been completely swamped; having absolutely no personal time. Hopefully the worst is over and I should be able to get some breathing space. Have applied for an internet connection in my room and plan to blog regularly henceforth. Writing is a form of catharsis, an avenue to vent out my innermost thoughts. Could do with some writing now :)

Balancing act

You are happily playing with a ball, by yourself . Throwing it up in the air, and catching it. Suddenly, someone shoves another few balls in your hand. You know you cannot drop any! You struggle. With immense concentration - and, you are just managing to get the hang of juggling them; when, you realise you are on a unicycle. You have to keep peddling, 'cause, if you stop, you fall down and so do the balls you are juggling. You keep going - out of will power. And, as you go forward, you approach a tight rope. You can't stop, so you ride on to it. The audience looks at you and marvels at how you are managing to balance. You look down from your high perch, and feel very scared and very lonely. And, you wish you were in the audience, looking at another circus performer. But, it's your balancing act and you have no choice but to perform - and perform well.

Moderation

Sorry folks, getting some spam comments with chinese characters, which leads to horrible links. Unable to stop spamming even with word verification. So, have implemented comment moderation. Hope this reduces the spamming.

Have nearly 4 posts composed n waiting to be published. Shall do so asap.

The thrill of something new...

Applied the new design to my blog.. and I am mighty thrilled about it!! Something new never fails to excite me - the new -20 freezer in the lab, a new set of pipettes, a new cuisine, a new soap to try, a new kurta to wear.. There's a strange thrill, a sense of a tiny adventure associated with something new.

Reminds me of what Prati once said - "You are like a kid- always thrilled with something new. But, as I think of it, I see something new in the everyday things; and I don't need a novelty to give me that thrill!" How true. When something is new, we look at it with wonder. Soon, comfort replaces the awe; familiarity breeds contempt and, we stop marveling at it. How nice it would be , never to lose that marvel, never to outgrow the charm of everyday life....

Realisations....

Realisations.. things that strike you suddenly, not the kind that Buddha had sitting under the Bodhi tree for years.

Realisations ....

That I am slowly becoming a "grown-up", whether I like it or not...

That most of my BSc batchmates are married and have had babies!

That as a kid I thought at 25, people are mature, responsible adults; and now that I am that venerable age, I don't feel anywhere close to it!

That perhaps all the 'adults' whom I was pissed at as a kid, were also individuals with similar confusions like mine, and I was wrong in being judgmental.

That it's been 3 years since I left IIT - it doesn't feel that way, and yet at the same time, it feels like it was in another universe!

That in spite of all the promises made, I am slowly drifting apart from the best friends I made while at IIT - and it is, but, inevitable.

That I had left IIT saying I would work on protein folding, and, though my lab is a protein folding lab, I am probably the only one there who doesn't do any biophysics!

That it's been 2 whole years into my PhD and I haven't done much about it.

That I started writing the blog under an assumed name since I wanted it to be a place where in I could pour out all feelings, and give the link only to people whom I would be comfortable sharing these thoughts with. But, with the blog gaining publicity, I think twice before typing a post. Maybe I need another personal blog...

Feeling hot, hot, hot...

This year has been by far the earliest and hottest summer Bangalore has experienced, with max temperature reaching 34 to 36 deg C . The light showers which come every year around Shivaratri were markedly absent this year. By the end of feb, namma bengaluru was resembling the Macbeth witches' cauldron. And, why not? After all, this is the first year after the massive tree felling in the city. Trees have been cut near Race course road, for road widening; in front of the insti for road widening and a crazy underpass; and almost everywhere in the city for the elusive Metro. It is but natural that Nature retaliates. We shall face the brunt of this thoughtless act. Next year might be worse. At this rate of indiscriminate and thoughtless tree chopping, the 'Garden City' might be a thing of the past :(

Grumpy

Have been Happy, Sleepy, Dopey, Bashful and Sneezy this month. Am Grumpy today. When do I get to be Doc?? :)