Sunday, February 15, 2009

The Cellular Jail

The Cellular Jail. People unnecessarily spend thousands in going to Andaman's to see it, while there is a perfectly functional replica at the IISc campus [Tata institute, to localites] . Being an inmate, I can give you a detailed tour of the same.

From the outside, you can see the formidable stone structure, an imposing circular building, as the name suggests. If you are brave enough to enter it, you can see the dark gloomy corridors, that rays of sunlight haven't penetrated since construction.

The building has three storeys, each having rooms that are like cells - prison cells, not the telephones or the ones that Leeuwenhoek was interested in. In fact, these are the ones that most people wouldn't be interested in, except for sadists, torturers and the occassional masochists.

The rooms have windows having steel frames. If you can steel yourself to try and open them, you'll realise the effort is futile. In fact, if the demon from the parable managed to straighten his dog's tail, you could put him to the task of opening the windows of these rooms, and be assured of keeping him occupied for a few millenia.

These unopenable windows, however seem to be selectively permeable. They keep out the air and sunshine but let rain water and mosquitoes in. And, since the rooms lack the net - both the real and the virtual one - you ll only be fighting a losing battle with the winged beasts.

The rooms are meant for solitary confinement. Once in the room, you will not be able to talk to your friends and family - in virtuality and in reality. While the lack of the other kind of net prevents the former, the building being the 'Cellular' Jail, ensures that your Cellular phones do not get any network once you are in. In fact, I am quite sure that the special stone with which the walls are built reflect radio and micro waves, ensuring signals do not sneak in.

But, fikar not. The Ever-gracious Nature has found a way of overcoming the horros of solitray confinement. So, ta-da-da! You have Friendly Fungus giving you company [albeit unwanted] on those long, lonely nights. The fungus is well watered by the drip irrigation during the rains. And, your walls soak in enough of the moisture to remain damp in the dry months so as to continue to nurture Mr. Friendly Fungus.

The jail is guarded by The Sri Ram Sene - the loyal primate brigade of the Lord. They abound around the circular dungeon and were you to try and break open a window, they will pour in by the dozen and make you feel that the state of closeted imprisonment was better. This way they ensure that the women of our country do not try to break free of the acceptable norms.

So, if the description has suitably interested you, please make it a point to visit. Women alone shall be entertained. You see, men pollute the sanctity of the place . Introducing the presence of men is too big an attrocity to be inflicted upon the inmates. We believe in some healthy torture here, not in violation of human rights. Men who try to force entry in spite of this shall incur the wrath of the Sene [The Pramod Mutalik one, not the one consisting of primates], which will then beat up random women inmates as punishment.

And, yes, in case you can not locate it in spite of the excellent description , the place is also named as LK - Ladies hostel, Kritika block.


Unknown said...

Lol... I feel guilty laughing.. poor you.. after having lived in IIT B hostel this sure looks like a 'kompe' (kannada.. for the lack of a better word!)

MM said...

Truth rings in every word U write in this post! Here's to our speedy release from this terrible imprisonment!

jb said...

This reminds me of the brief but horrific stay I endured in PurgatoryDungeon-block. Oh crap! now I need to visit my (psycho)therapist :)

edmund said...

great description, am i allowed, will try to make it when the muttalik brigade is not around!! happy writing